Tag Archives: new jersey

The Lengths They Will Go

Sure, but can you wait here while I remove it?

Sure, but can you wait here while I remove it?

Seriously dude, is shoving 100 bags of heroin up your butt really worth it? A New Jersey gang member was found to be concealing the drugs after being arrested for outstanding traffic warrants. The heroin had a street value of only $1,000. I pity the fool who would have got one of those bags!!!!

Psst Why don’t they friggin duct tape it under the car…. sheez

5 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass

Virgin Mary Knocks on Wood in NY

The Virgin Mary has appeared on a tree in New York  forcing police to cordon off the area, as people flock to  leave flowers and candles.

Psst  Hmm, seems she has a inny belly button!!!

15 Comments

Filed under Friggin Awesome, You Go Girl!

Things That Go Bump In The Night

A family who rented a house in Toms Landing, New jersey, want their money back because it is friggin haunted!!!And by haunted I mean the usual lights flickering, strange voices and the occasional door slam. Sometimes they claim they would return home to find their clothes chucked across the floor. The final straw came when the couple were watching TV in bed and the sheets were suddenly whipped off them. Hmm, Paranormal Activity much? The landlord ain’t buying it, he believes the family are just trying to skip out on the 1 year lease.

Psst By the way, all of the Amityville Horror movies were filmed in Toms Landing. Boo!

7 Comments

Filed under Friggin Scary

Yeah, About that Emergency Alert

What could possibly go wrong with the National Emergency Alert System ? A hacker sending thousands of New Jersey residents an extreme alert text informing them to “seek shelter immediately” due to the “extreme threat to life”, that’s what! Everybody panic!!!! Residents in the Monmouth and Ocean counties were left friggin freaking, wondering what the hell it could be, while someone, somewhere was having a good old giggle. New Jersey Homeland Security later tweeted that there was  no friggin emergency…as you were. Hmm, great help for those already barricaded  in underground bunkers, huddled in the brace position .

Whoopsie

2 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Thanks For Nothing, Whoops!

When It’s A Good Time To Fib

You know sometimes it’s just better to lie. Take the woman from New Jersey who told police she had been carjacked. Far better she said that, than tell them her car had crashed because she was having sex with a complete stranger she had picked up from the side of the road.

7 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, How Embarrassing, Whoops!

Friggin Stink Bug Invasion

Just what New Jersey needs, a friggin stink bug invasion. As if they don’t have enough shit to deal with! The small little critter that sets off a nasty odor the moment you squish it under your shoe is home invading as we speak.Holy crap, they don’t even have a natural predator. The problem is trying to remove the smelly little insects out of  homes without setting off their damn abdominal scent glands. Best trick people is to suck and flush, suck them up with a vacuum cleaner and flush them down the toilet. Oh, but don’t let PETA get wind of it!

4 Comments

Filed under Friggin Gross, Friggin Wildlife, I'm Just Saying !

It’s Official

OMG, Newark, New Jersey has recorded it’s first murder free month in 44 years. Yippee!

4 Comments

Filed under Friggin Awesome, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

The Prudes of New Jersey

Bravo Conneran family

A family who made a nude snow woman outside their house were told to cover it up by police. The Venus de Miloesque creation obviously upset someone because police told Maria Conneran and her family they had received a complaint about the snow woman’s breasts. Dear god is there such a thing as snowman porn?

9 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, How Embarrassing, Well I Never, Whoops!

Dumbass 911 Caller of the Week

We have a winner. And the dumbassed 911 caller of the week goes to a drunk New Jersey man who called 911 claiming he had been kidnapped….  while he was in the back of a police car.

2 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass, Friggin Hilarious, They Live Among Us !

It Was More Effective In The Godfather

Robert Godman (61) was arrested and charged with a seriously poor attempt at reenacting the horse head scene from the Godfather (OK, harassment). Yes, Godman sent a hand delivered package containing a  horse’s head to State Senator Stephen Sweeney. Oh come on people, it wasn’t real, it was the cut off head of a plush toy. Anywho the bomb squad was called as a precaution.

2 Comments

Filed under Friggin Hilarious, I'm Just Saying !, They Live Among Us !, Whoops!