Hello is this 911? I want to make a complaint about Subway. They damn made my flatbread pizza with marinara sauce instead of pizza sauce and they won’t give me no refund. Say What? You can’t charge me with misuse of the 911 system, or I’ll go and friggin ring investigators at Channel 9. Hello, is this Channel 9?
Psst The woman was arrested and charged.
A sweet toothed mother had her juvenile son arrested for stealing her Pop Tarts. The kid is now facing larceny/misdemeanor charges. I wonder if they were the 100s and 1000s ones?
Psst North Carolina
A woman in North Carolina has been charged with assault using a deadly Bible . The woman allegedly used the Good Book to thump another woman, leaving her covered in cuts and bruises. No word on what the fight was about but I’m guessing it wasn’t Luke 6:29.
Holy roof eating birds from hell, Batman. The Bethlehem Baptist Church in North Carolina has a little prob. They have been over run with vultures. So much so they have commissioned someone to make a dead vulture effigy in an attempt to scare them off. The effigy is hanging upside down from the church’s steeple. Begone roof eating vultures.
Check out the front page headline news of a North Carolina newspaper.
A man from Charlotte, North Carolina, who couldn’t wipe his bum because there was no toilet paper in his hotel room got all postal and caused $2,000 worth of damage. Shit!
Why is it I never find cool stuff in the crap I buy? Some woman in North Carolina found a live grenade in the drawer of an antique sewing machine she purchased. Yes indeedy, the Seymour Johnson Air force Base Explosive Ordnance Disposal Unit were called in and they confirmed it was a live German grenade from WWI.
OK, here’s the thing mister, you don’t go exposing yourself at a North Carolina fast food joint just because they ran out of chicken legs, have you no pride? Hmm, it’s been alleged that Jason Gross, who was a passenger in car, slowly flashed his penis at a drive thru worker after being told they had no more chicken legs. The employee said Mr Gross swore at her then declared he had a “leg for you” before slowly revealing his genitals. Hmm, she then went on to say “It’s going to be forever ingrained in my head.” Ain’t that the truth!