Tag Archives: north korea

While You Were Sleeping

kim-jong-unA word of warning to all top officials, if you doze off during a Kim Jong Un meeting expect to be kaboomed with an anti aircraft gun. Just ask, oh wait, never mind. The head of the education ministry was spotted sleeping during a rant by the ‘glorious leader’ and promptly escorted out and executed with a high end military weapon. Nothing but the best for sleeping, lowlife, dissident, scum dog.

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Filed under Thanks For Nothing, Whoops!

The Elixir of Life

Proud of you son

Kim Jong Un, you are a legend. Seems our irratic little North Korean dictator has invented an alcoholic drink that won’t give you a hangover. Introducing Koryo, a miracle 86% proof spirit distilled from rice wine and fermented ginseng root. Despite not a soul ever having heard of it North Korea claims Koryo Liquor ‘has raked high among the world famous liquor and enjoys a good reputation with discerning drinkers.’ Bottoms up.

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Filed under Well I Never

No One Puts Kim Jong Un In The Corner

No need to panic loons, but Kim Jong Un just kaboomed a hydrogen bomb. WTF. Seems our cray cray North Korean control freak has H bombed, causing an “artificial earthquake”. Just as South Korea were going WTF was that on the Richter scale, North Korea announced their test was successful. Hmm, I’m guessing the UN will be writing a strongly worded letter

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Filed under Friggin Scary

North Korea’s Internet Down

computer woman 2Oo Oh, don’t mess with the US, Pongyang, or your internet might go poof!!!North Korea is currently suffering major internet outages following their hacking of Sony and Obamas threat to respond. OMG, I hope Kim Jong Un doesn’t have to restart Candy Crush, that would be a bitch. This may be the start of cyber attack wars. Dear lord, can you back up Flappy Bird?

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Filed under Kim Jong Um, That's Gotta Hurt

Kim Jong Un Pruned His Family Tree

kim-jong-um-but-holeKim Jong Un has solved the problem of having an empty seat at next year’s  Christmas table after he bumped off his uncle. Yep, in an impressive move he has had the entire family of Jang Song Thaek executed and,  by entire family , I mean Jang’s sister (her hubby, Ambassador to Cuba), her nephew, her nephew’s two sons, Jang’s two brothers and their sons, daughters and even grandchildren. Un evidently wants no evidence that the family ever existed. Roger that.

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Filed under Sore Loser, Well I Never

Kim Jong Un’s Wife IS Alive … For Now

kim-jong-um-but-holeCalm down everyone, Kim Jong Um hasn’t had his missus executed for not standing up fast enough. The very obedient wife Ri, who has been AWOL for the past few weeks, appeared on his arm yesterday for a parade to honour the second anniversary of his dead dad Kim Jong Il.  Kim Jong Um has been getting some global flack after executing his uncle last week. See,  he isn’t a complete bastard.

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Filed under Kim Jong Um

One Empty Seat At Kim Jong Un’s Chrissie Table

Christmas is going to be a tad awkward at the Jong Un household this year after he erradicated his wayward uncle. And by eradicated I mean executed. Jang Song Thaek  is was the second most powerful man in North Korea until he did something real naughty because  Kim Jong Un declared him “worse than a dog” and claimed he had  “committed such hideous crime as attempting to overthrow the state by all sorts of intrigues and despicable methods with a wild ambition to grab the supreme power of our party and state.” Ouch!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Kim Jong Um, Well I Never