Tag Archives: nursing home

Tiptoe Through The Nursing Home

elderly man 3Oh for pluck sake, a 97 year old man was found living in a homeless shelter after being booted from his retirement home for playing the ukulele. The ex merchant marine said “Management continually suppressed my talents,” But don’t fret loons, he is now safe and sound in a new nursing home after the good people of Napa raised money for him and his ukulele.

Psst Be grateful he doesn’t play the drums

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Nursing Home Strippers

naked-manHuh?, What? Why? A Long Island nursing home is getting sued because the son of Bernice (85) discovered they had hired a stripper to entertain the ladies during a party in the rec room. The son hit the roof when he saw a photo of his mom putting some money down the male stripper’s undies.  The suit claims the striptease was done “for the perverse pleasure and enjoyment of the Defendant’s staff.” and that the Baptist living Bernice had been defiled.

Psst I’d be more pissed they were taking money off little old ladies.

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No Wonder There Was Never Any Snacks

grandmother-2The Forever Young nursing home in Canada is the dope. Whoops, I meant, was growing da dope. Unfortunately the enterprising little  marijuana operation in the home’s basement came to an untimely end when a fire broke out and police seized 55 plants , which is equivalent to about 275,000 rolled joints.

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An Appalling Act

Yesterday a fire ripped through Quakers Hill nursing home in Sydney, which was home to over 88 residents, most of which suffer from dementia. Firefighters describe it as their “worst nightmare” as they crawled through smoke filled halls rescuing the patients. What made the situation even more challenging was the fact that many of these elderly people were frail, bedridden and bewildered. The streets were lined with beds and ambulance as they ferried the survives to numerous hospitals around the area. Five people so far have died but the death toll is expected to rise as 12 are in a critical condition suffering burns and smoke inhalation. Today a 35 year old registered nurse, Roger Dean, has been charged with 4 counts of murder, after allegedly deliberately lighting the fire.

Psst A special mention should be made to the two young police officers who were the first to arrive on the scene. They rushed into the burning building without any protective clothing or breathing equipment to help rescue victims. Nearby neighbours also jumped fences and helped fire crews pull out the elderly. Take a bow, heroes.

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90 is the New 20

Pick the biker?

Life can get pretty boring at a nursing home but not if you are living at Bethsda. Seven women and a guy , aged between 65-97, decided to let their hair down and hang out at  the  “Evil Olive” bar, a local bikers joint, for the night. The Bethesda residents had often driven past the bar during their day trips and wondered what went on inside. Eventually Elizabeth Barrett (68) plucked up enough courage to ask the Life Enrichment Director, Ruth Werstler, if they could go and hang out there one evening. Next thing they knew hairstylists, make-up artists, a professional costumer and a tattoo artist from Artreach rocked up the the retirement center to make them look like a real biker gang. Well, they couldn’t have them looking like old ducks out of water, now could they?

All dolled up, they were ready to party. One of the grannies who was a tad overweight and in a wheelchair was disappointed to discover when they arrived there were stairs at the entrance, but before she could say bippity boppity boo she was being lifted up, wheelchair and all, by a group of burly bikers and carried into the club.Inside they were greeted by over 100 bikers (including members of the Latino American Motorcycle Association and Chicago’s Chapter of A.B.A.T.E.) and patrons who spent the night chatting, drinking and dancing with them. One of the ladies (97), was seen at the bar downing a few dirty martinis.  By the end of the night they had managed to extract $250 from the bikers to go towards a  touch screen computer system for their retirement home and a promise to visit them when it was a bit warmer to take them all for a spin on their bikes.  The club was so enamored by the sprightly group they are planning to arrange another night out for them. Good on you boys!

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Murder She Wrote

Oh my goodness, it appears we have a little trouble in a nursing home in Dartmouth, Massachusetts. A 98 year old woman has been accused of murdering her 100 year old roommate by placing a plastic bag over her head. Motive? Laura Lundquist had often complained that her roomie Elizabeth Barrow had way too many visitors.

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