Tag Archives: Ontario

Homeless Man Won’t Budge

Attention people of Hamilton, Ontario, please stop ringing the police and paramedics about the poor guy lying on a bench in the snow. It is the Homeless Jesus statue.




Filed under Whoops!

Kinky Topiary On The Loose

Vandals reshape bush into a giant penisThere is someone in Ontario with a wicked sense of humor and a sharp pair of clippers. The city of Windsor was blissfully unaware that someone had reshaped one of their 10ft plants  into an enormous penis until notified by a local news station. Evidently, the mayor of the city was not amused. Oh, come on, great publicity.


Filed under Friggin Hilarious

Look. Up in the Sky. It’s …. Run

Family believe plane dropped feces on carsTwo families in Ontario suspect passing airplanes have been dropping crap on their properties and by crap I mean poop. The families say that their cars and driveways where splattered with petrid smelling feces which could have only come from above….. from either a plane or a “pterodactyl”. Airport authorities say samples have been analysed and it definitely ain’t their shit.


Filed under Er Gross !, Friggin Gross, Whoops!

Canada’s Mysterious Hum Coming From US

Make it stop!!!!

You know the mysterious humming that has been driving everyone nutty over in Windsor, Ontario? Hmm, yeah, well it seems the sound is coming from Michigan! Yes indeedy, they have pin pointed the low-frequency, rumbling noise, now known as the Windsor hum, to  Zug Island, an industrial site. Despite numerous attempts by Canadian official to discuss the matter with the US,  it has been met with a tranquil silence.


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Thanks For Nothing

It’s A Steal

OMG, a thief in Ontario broke into Greg Kemmis’s house while he was out of town and then had a garage sale on the front lawn the next day. Witnesses say the alleged thief Kail Russell Stokes set up a “tools for sale” sign out the front of the house and flogged all of Mr Kemmis’s tools from 9.30am – 4pm. Russell even placed price tags on the tools. It is estimated he made around $40,000 for his efforts.


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Thanks For Nothing, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never, Whoops!

Application Denied

Oh for crying out loud lady, it was bad enough you stole clothes from a shop after your friggin job interview, but did you have wear clothes you stole the day before too. The 40 year old woman from Ontario was in the store for a job interview. Hmm, so after handing over her resume and having a quick chat with the store manager she lifted a few items before leaving. Enter police who identified the woman thanks to her resume. Later, after sifting through security footage they spotted the woman the day before stealing clothes for the job interview. No loons, she didn’t get the friggin job!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass, Well I Never, Whoops!

What The Hell Is That?

Could it be the Montauk Monster?

Stephen King rang and he wants his pet back! What the hell is that? A small Canadian town is sleeping with one eye open after a dog dragged a scary critter from their lake. The creature was found when two women were walking their dog in a town called…wait for it….Kitchenuhmaykoosib, in Ontario. The dog, in his infinite wisdom, decided to show his owner what he’d discovered and the pulled the creature to shore. After they took photos of the thing, they got the hell out of there. However, when locals went back to retreive the creature it was gone, gone I tell ya! Everybody panic!!!!


Filed under Friggin Gross, Friggin Scary, Friggin Wildlife, Join the skeptic club!, Well I Never

101 Uses For Duct Tape

And just when you thought you have exhausted all the uses for duct tape, Nimat David, just raises the bar! Mr David was caught crossing into Detroit from Ontario with 9,000 Ecstasy tablets duct taped to his calves and thighs.


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass

You’re Not Alone!


Oh for crying out loud people, can you please keep your friggin pet snakes locked up thank you very much. An Ontario man was minding his own beeswax, working on his computer, when a friggin three foot California king snake  appeared from out of nowhere and bit him on the hand while he was typing! Unbeknown to the man, his neighbor’s pet snake had managed to slither it’s way into the man’s apartment by either going through a water pipe or a heating vent. After the man said a few WTFs he flung it on the floor and then captured it in a garbage bin before high tailing it to the nearest hospital. The poor guy had no idea it was not venomous. Sadly the poor snake had to be euthanized due to it’s injuries. Hmm, I am gathering he did more than just fling it on the floor?

Psst Are you sure it was a pet snake and not just one very lost and angry one?


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, Friggin Wildlife, Well I Never

Dumbass 911 Caller of the Week

And the winner of the dumbass 911 caller of the week goes to Moira Williams (67) of Ontario, who continually called dispatchers asking them if they could pick up some smokes for her. Evidently she had been downing a few too many drinks and had run out of cigarettes and was therefore unable to go to the store to get them herself. Despite being told numerous times to quit bugging them, they eventually had to send the police around to her place and arrest her. No word on whether they brought the cigs.


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass, They Live Among Us !, Whoops!