Tag Archives: Paris

Say It Isn’t So Paris?

When it comes to finding toilets in major cities of the world, it is always a challenge. Apparently not in Paris anymore,  if you are a guy or a very unladylike woman, you can take a leak in the eco-friendly compost urinal boxes. Yes, these odourless, straw-filled red boxes sprinkled around the city of love are for you to pee. The plants growing on the top are supposed to give privacy but seriously (insert cringy face) !!!! Hell in a handbag right there.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World

Paris Under Terrorist Attack

Yellow-RibbonThoughts and prayers to the people of Paris.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World

Tiger on The Loose

tiger 4Feet up Mickey, there is a tiger on the loose near Paris Disneyland. The big cat was spied and photographed in a supermarket carpark near EuroDisney . Disney are saying don’t look at us, the only tiger we have is Tigger and he’s just a suit. Anywho, the area has been evacuated as authorities go tiger hunting.

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Filed under Friggin Wildlife

The Impossible Dream

Sorry, did not see you sitting there for 3 hours waiting for a menu.

Sorry, did not see you sitting there for 3 hours waiting for a menu.

Oh for crying out loud French Tourism officials, save your time and money because nothing is going to make Paris friendly to tourists. In an attempt to improve tourism in the city of love, the Paris Chamber of Commerce have distributed 30,000  “Do you speak tourist?” manuals to tourism-related industries. The pamphlet includes such revelations as …. the British expect “smiling, friendly staff, a warm welcome and a playful dimension to cultural attractions.” and the Yanks expect “to be taken care of quickly, and a mastery of English.” Hmm, now why would they want to go and do something like that? Paris is nothing, unless you have been ignored by a waiter, grunted at by a local or had the “eye roll” because you say everything in a bad French accent  . Sheez, next they’ll be wanting to clean up the dog poop. They just have to spoil everything!!!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never

They Wouldn’t , Would They?

Eiffel Towewr evacuated after bomb scareGeez, crickey, could Al Qaeda be behind the Eiffel Tower bomb scare ? Sacrebleu. 1,500 people had to make their way calmly to the exits after some dastardly person rang police warning that bombs had been placed around the landmark. Authorities are concerned it is the work of al Qaeda, who are a tad pissed at the French intervention in the African state of Mali . Hmm, me thinks it sounds more like le kiddies .  Hello, al Qaeda are a terrorist organisation they wouldn’t ring.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Thanks For Nothing, They Live Among Us !

Canadian Psycho in Paris

The French are on high alert after several reported sightings of the Canadian Psycho, Luka Magnotta, were confirmed by police. Evidently they were able to track his location by using his cell phone signals. That friggin roaming will get you every time! The alleged cannibal/murderer has been seen socializing at trendy clubs and staying at upmarket hotels in Paris. Police fear he could be heading to England where he has made several threats.

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Filed under I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

You Gotta Be La Kidding Me

It took French customs, social security and the police transport division, several months of surveillance of a Paris souvenir shop before they finally made an arrest.Drugs do I hear you say? Tsk, tsk, it was 13 tons of mini Eiffel Towers. Seems the family run souvenir shop were selling them without a permit. Those bastards! Father, mother and son were all arrested.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

Lawyer Blows Himself Up

Hey guys, check out what I got!!!

OK, one more time amateur weapon collectors. When opening a postal package containing hand grenades, proceed with extreme caution, just in case one of them  is live and  goes kaboom!!!! France is now minus one business lawyer after he was blown to smithereens while inspecting his box of goodies in his Paris office. Who the hell sends a live grenade through the mail…oh never mind it’s France!!!!

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Filed under I'm Just Saying !, Whoops!

Does France Have Another Serial Killer?

What was that?

Just when the French thought they had seen the end of crazed serial killers randomly bumping off people, another one pops up. So far there have been 4 victims, randomly shot with a small caliber gun. The killer is said to flee on a motorbike. Sound familiar? Hmm, sounds like the same MO as Mohamed Merah, the Islamic extremist who went on a killing spree last month. Cordon blah!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

Shut Up, We Are Trying To Sleep!

Assholes!

Getting trapped in the  bathroom of your apartment  for three weeks and only drinking warm water from the tap…$0. Having the neighbors start a petition to stop the inconsiderate bastard from tapping on the pipes every night….priceless. The 69 year old from Paris, who became trapped when the door lock broke, was eventually rescued after her neighbors realized she was the one making the racket in an attempt to get help. Whoopsie!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Hilarious, I'm Just Saying !, Thanks For Nothing