One More Time

OK Loons, one more time, do not, and I repeat, do not put peanut butter on your crotch when in the room with a bulldog. Unless of course, you don’t want your penis or testicles. Apparently, the dog ate the man’s genitals and left him bleeding on the floor.

Holy Matrimony, Batman

There are numerous things you can do with a wedding ring but slipping it on your penis is not one of them. Just ask the Chinese dude who had his stuck for two days. The pain became so unbearable he had no choice but to ring firefighters. It took 90 minutes and a bucket of humiliation before the gold band was cut off. Unfortunately for him, footage of the incident has been making its rounds on social media.

PSST I know what you are thinking Loons but I’m guessing hoping the ring was a man’s extra large.

When My Baby Smiles at Me I Go To…..

Oh for crying out loud, don’t you hate it when you have cleared the pole vault and your pole gets in the way. Awks. No medal for him, but a whole lot of respect!!!

What a Tool

A man down under had an embarrassing encounter with a ring spanner. Seems he got ihis penis stuck in it and had to ring the fire brigade. Enter angle grinder and a whole lot of awks. Guessing there was very little eye contact.

Something to Tell The Grandkids

It use to be an urban legend you would tell visitors to Australia…careful of the Redback on the toilet seat. But alas for one unlucky dude it has become a reality. A man in Sydney was bitten by the venomous Redback spider while taking a leak in a portaloo …wait, there is more…. he was bitten on his penis. OK loons, I know what you were thinking , he was either sitting down (which is uncool) or he was standing up (which makes it awfully big). Anywho, I digress. By the time paramedics had arrived, the man had wisely made his own way to hospital where he was treated for swelling, pain and the humiliation. No word on the mental state of the spider.

So Is This Pubic Art?

What do you do when a 10ft statue in your town keeps having it’s appendage stolen ? Hmm, build a removable one, that’s what. Yep, the statue of Hercules in Parc Mauresque will now have a detachable penis. Problem solved. The penis will only be used during ceremonies and special occasions. Take that vandals!!!!

You’re a Dick

Oh dear, a teacher is in all sorts of WTF after she drew a penis on a kid’s work because she thought he wasn’t trying hard enough. Awks.

PSST Of course there are calls for her to resign. She could have put more effort in too…just saying.

Mile High Club

And who says Florida pilots don’t have a sense of humour? Users of the app FlightRadar24 got an eyeful on the weekend after a pilot did a slight deviation of his flight plan to create a penis.

At First You Don’t Succeed

For crying out loud, how much scorn does this woman possess? A wife who snipped off her hubby’s penis with scissors after she caught him cheating has chopped it off AGAIN after surgeons reattached it. Yep, angry Feng Lung sneaked into the hospital room and chopped it off again and then threw the offending appendage out the window. Unfortunately for hubby a search by police and doctors failed to find his penis . It was suspected a stray cat or dog took off with it. The hubby’s lover, who had visited him in hospital, said she didn’t care he was missing his willy as he has 5 children anywho. As for Feng, she is under arrest….again.

Iron Balls

A little word of warning to all men. If you are going to DIY 10 metal balls in your penis to improve your sex life make sure they don’t rust…just saying. Some Malaysian guy did it and all went well except for the fact his penis swelled for three days and he was exteme pain but then once everything had settled all was good . Fast forward a few months later and then kapow, he could no longer get an erection. Awks. When doctors removed the balls they discovered they were all rusted.