Tag Archives: Peru

Joran Van Der Sloot Gets 28 Years

See ya, don't want to be ya!

Well, hopefully this will be the last we’ll be hearing of Joran van der Sloot for awhile. He’s just been sentenced to 28 years in a Peruvian prison for the murder of Stephany Flores. That’s a release date of June 10th, 2038. Joran, who made worldwide headlines in 2005 when Natalee Holloway vanished during a school holiday in Aruba, pleaded guilty to the violent killing of a young business student in Peru. Might need some soap on a rope.

 

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Joran Van der Sloot’s Hearing Begins

Well, well, well, guess whose trial is just around the corner? Joran Van der Sloot! You remember him don’t you? He’s the Dutch guy linked to the disappearance of Natalie Holloway and the man accused of killing Stephany Flores in Peru. Prosecutors are seeking a 30-year prison sentence and a $73,000 restitution to Flores’ family. Good luck with that! Preliminary hearing starts Monday.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !

Shawstank Redemption

Hmm, not a good idea to break off a relationship face to face with your boyfriend in a Peruvian jail, he just might kill you and bury your body in the cell, where it won’t be found for three months.  Jackson Conquet strangled  Leslie Paredes after she ditched him on a visitation and then buried her body  under a concrete bench in his cell. If it wasn’t for the stench of the  rotting corpse she’d still be 6ft under.

Psst Good to know the jail monitors the visitors!

 

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, End Credit, I'm Just Saying !, Whoops!

Joran van der Sloot Confesses

Joran van der Sloot has finally confessed to murdering Stephany Flores Ramirez in his hotel room in Lima last week. He told Peruvian police the girl intruded into his private life by reading articles about him on the internet “She had no right.” After confronting her, he then said he grabbed her by the neck and hit her. Police are currently scouring his laptop fearing there maybe more victims (I wouldn’t be surprised). Hmm, now he doesn’t have daddy dearest to protect him, justice might finally be served.

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Filed under Friggin Scary, Friggin Wrong, I'm Just Saying !, Thanks For Nothing, They Live Among Us !

Woman’s Scorn

Hi honey!!!!!

Oh dear, Edwin Oritz from Lima, Peru was about to say “I do” when his ex and her family burst in on the ceremony and began beating the crap out of him. He and his mom were then dragged out of the wedding hall and bashed outside in the parking lot.OK, now you know what happens when you lie about being single with no kids. A big friggin walloping! Dumbass, not even Tiger can get away with this shit anymore!

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Filed under Denial, How Embarrassing, Thanks For Nothing, That's Gotta Hurt, Well I Never, Whoops!

Get This Person Off My Face!

It's like putting on a second skin!

OMG x 10. Four people have been arrested in Peru on suspicion of trafficking human fat. Oh yes, you heard right, human friggin fat! They suspect the group have killed around 60 people to sell the fat for use in Italian cosmetics. Police began their investigation after discovering a  container of human fat being shipped from Huanuco to Lima. It is believed the gang have been bumping off farmers and indigenous people to obtain the human tissue for melting. Human fat can be sold for about $US15,000 a gallon in Europe (dear god, it’s common?). Police expect to make several more arrests including that of two Italians.No word yet on which cosmetic laboratory the human cargo was heading but I suspect it will be well known.  Which opens up a whole new debate about ” being tested on animals”.

Psst Hmm, so how many humans does it take to make a gallon of fat? Sounds like a lot of hard work to me for so little gain!

2nd psst Anywho, if I was going to use their cosmetics, I would want something a whole lot more prestigious than farmer’s fat on my face! Hmm, super model fat maybe!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, Friggin Wrong, Well I Never

Iron Man Food

Man had over kilo of scrap metal in his stomach

Waiter, I seem to have misplaced my cutlery!

OMG, doctors in Peru got the shock of their lives when they operated on a man who complained of severe abdominal pains.Inside his gut was almost a kilo of friggin nails, coins , scrap metal and even a knife.It took over 2 hours to remove all the crap from Requelme Abanto Alvarado’s stomach. Hmm, he is now being examined by mental health experts. Geez, they just tell him he has too much iron in his system!

Psst I bet he has lost his fear of walking past a magnet!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass, That's Gotta Hurt, Whoops!