Tag Archives: pilot

What was He Thinking?

Seriously Mr Pilot, when an engine blows on your plane with over 350 people on board PLEASE don’t ask the passengers to pray. The AirAsia flight was about 90 minutes into its flight from Perth to Malaysia when kaboom…the left engine blew up. The plane began vibrating like a washing machine and passengers began fearing the worse. That’s when the pilot came over the intercom announcing they were turning back for an emergency landing . He ended his announcement with ‘I hope you all say a prayer, I will be saying a prayer too and let’s hope we all get back home safely’. Evidently that is when people started reaching for their life jackets fearing the plane would plunge into the ocean at any moment. I would have been been emptying that drinks trolley and rocking in the crash fetal position

PSST The airline is claiming the incident was nothing more than a “technical ” issue.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary

The Loon Is Back…Just!

airport scanner 2The Loon was 5 minutes from being stranded in the US but thanks to a very persistent American Airlines pilot I was able to get home. It started on the Baltimore tarmac. We were lined up on the runway, the very next to take off, when the pilot announced that Fort Worth Airport  had just closed due to thunder storms. For two hours we all sat in the plane on the tarmac, while other planes took off around us. Evidently in the US you can’t go back to the gate until you have sat on the tarmac for 2 hours. My connecting flight was due to take off in three hours. The pilot, who was trying desperately to get us to Dallas, then announced that we would be taking off in 20 minutes.

Forty minutes went by, when a very angry pilot announced that the airport had reopened but the air traffic controllers had told him the plane would have to take an alternative route. A route that was impossible because the plane didn’t have enough fuel to reach the destination. I think his words were “incompetent idiots”.

Another 10 minutes went by and the pilot announced that he was given two options, either fly the route given by removing 55 passengers or fly to Houston and refuel before flying on to Dallas. He was so pissed by then he decided to take the plane back to the gate (which he was now legally allowed to do) and stormed off the plane to sort it out personally (as we sat like fools nursing our deep vein thrombosis).

Another 10 minutes went by when a still very angry pilot returned saying he couldn’t get them to understand logic so we were flying to Houston. However, before we took off the pilot programmed several routes into the plane data just in case they came to their senses while we were in mid air. Smart little cookie, as 30 minutes into the flight he announced we could now fly directly to Fort Worth. A choice set of words were then muttered by the pilot, to which he received a rousing round of applause. We had boarded the plane at 3.45pm (for a 2 hour flight)  and we touched down  at 9.45pm.

My connecting flight (an international flight) was due to leave at 9.55pm. This did not look good. When we exited the aircraft a rather enormous effeminate young man in trackie daks with a Qantas paddle  screamed for the 7 passengers on the Qantas flight to run with him (think Cam from Modern Family) . He took off like Usain Bolt while we all trudged behind carrying our hand luggage and desperately searching for our passports. How the hell were we going to get through customs and security?

Onto a transit train we hopped with the sweating , puffing Qantas paddleman screaming through his walkie talkie to hold the plane. He kept muttering to himself , they aren’t going to hold it, they aren’t going to hold it, as sweat dripped from his forehead. We had four stops to go. When the doors finally opened his voice went another octave higher as he screamed “run, if they see you they can’t take off”.  Off he waddled waving his paddle and screaming to us move it people. I have no idea how we got on the plane without going through customs but we boarded with seconds to spare . The plane was half empty. Evidently, we were the only flight that had made it into Fort Worth/Dallas that night and the Qantas flight was the only one to leave.

So to the pilot of American Airlines and the effeminate young man with the Qantas paddle, you are both legends.

 

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

This Is Your Pilot Freaking

Remember the JetBlue  pilot who went troppo on a New York  flight in March? Sure you do, he jumped out of the cockpit midflight and went screaming down the aisle yelling crazy stuff about terrorists and 9/11 before being restrained by passengers. Yeah him. Well, he’s been ruled insane and won’t face any charges.

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Filed under Well I Never

Attention People, Does There Happened To Be A Pilot Onboard?

You know what I hate? When some crazed passenger goes running up and down the aisle of a JetBlue plane screaming “bomb” and “al Qaeda” and you discover it’s the friggin pilot. I really hate that! The co-pilot, god bless him, locked him out of the cockpit leaving the 135 passengers and 5 crew to deal with the psycho. While some whipped out their iphones to record the meltdown, others tried to restrain him, Meanwhile an off duty pilot assisted the co-pilot in landing the plane in Amarillo.

OMG, want to see the pilot being removed from the plane? Hannibal lector didn’t have it so rough!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Rogue Shark Gives Pilot A Scare

A pilot of a passenger jet in New Zealand got the fright of his life by a friggin airbourne shark. Yep, I know what you are thinking but, no. It was a remote control helium filled balloon shark. The shark  is suppose to be used indoors but it must be another friggin rogue one . Sheez, that could have been a blood bath!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, I'm Just Saying !

Pilot Trapped in Toilet Causes Mid Air Scare

Oh dear, what is worse than a pilot accidentally locking himself in the bathroom of his plane? The panic caused when a man with a “Middle Eastern” accent tries to help him. The pilot of Chatauqua (Delta) Airlines was taking a quick leak before landing in New York City when the door jammed. Enter the “Middle Eastern” accent guy who came to the captain’s rescue. The captain told the “Middle Eastern” accent guy (through the toilet door) to tell the cockpit crew of the dilemma. While the “Middle Eastern” accent guy was knocking on the cockpit door, trying to get some attention, the co-pilot contacted the tower at La Guardia freaking the hell out. He told the tower  “I have someone with a thick foreign accent trying to access the cockpit”. That’s an emergency declared right there. Awkward! Lucky the jet fighters weren’t alerted…ah wait…more awkward.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Hilarious, I'm Just Saying !, Whoops!

Coffee Break

Great, another thing to worry about when flying. A United Airlines flight had to be diverted to Toronto after the pilot accidentally spilled coffee all over the friggin control panel. Not only did it make one hell of a mess it also sent the navigation and communication system into a complete meltdown, sending out friggin  distress signals including the big one….7500… a hijacking!!!!  Sheez, lucky the clumsy pilot was able convince airport authorities it was all just one big misunderstanding.

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Filed under I'm Just Saying !, Whoops!

Like I needed To Know This!

The dream!

Look away loons who are about to fly, you don’t want to be reading this. Pilot Bryan Griffin won £97,000 in compensation from Qantas after they failed to realize he was mentally unfit to fly a plane. Problem? He had overwhelming urges to crash the friggin planes he was flying into the ground. WTF! Yes, Mr Griffin “the pilot” had such strong compulsions on several occasions he had tried to cut the engines but instead left the flight deck to calm down. He also had urges to scream, ignore instructions and miss radio calls. Anywho, despite all of this several docs declared him fit to keep on flying. As the condition worsened he eventually resigned with with severe obsessive compulsive disorder, anxiety and depression. Qantas are appealing the decision.

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Filed under Friggin Scary, I'm Just Saying !, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never

You Just Can’t Get Real Pilots These Days

OK, he really isn't a pilot but so far so good!

Just when you thought it was safe to fly, a Swedish man has been arrested in Amsterdam as he was about to fly his 101 passengers to Turkey. Problem? He didn’t have a friggin pilot’s licence. OK, he had flown small planes before but not friggin Boeings. Turkey’s Corendon Airlines said WTF he had been flying with them for 2 years and had no idea he had used false papers. Hmm, well he seemed to doing a fine job despite not knowing WTF he was doing!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass, How Embarrassing, I'm Just Saying !, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never

Sounds a Likely Story

Well alrighty then. A pilot, who was arrested on Australia day for taking photos of a naked 3 year old boy being changed by his parents, told the court all he was trying to do was prove a point to his wife. Glenn Anthony Armstrong said he was obsessed with circumcision and  wanted to prove to her more boys were uncircumcised than circumcised. Hmm, so that will explain why there were 10 photos (50 originally reported ) of naked boys allegedly found on his camera then!

Psst Hmm, so now he has proven it to the wife, all he has to do is explain it to his kids!

UPDATE Mr Armstrong pleaded guilty to breach of privacy and was placed on a three year good behavior bond and given a $5,000 fine. Lawyers for the pilot argued Mr Armstrong has a psychological disorder  which makes him obsessed with circumcision but which is not of a sexual nature.

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Filed under Denial, Friggin Gross, Friggin Wrong, I'm Just Saying !, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never