Tag Archives: plane

This Is Where You Get Off

OK frequent plane travellers, here’s a heads up on when you are most likely to end up on Air Crash Investigation. Apparently the most vulnerable time for a plane to crash is during final descent and landing. So says Boeing. But you know what? Most of the plane crashes I have read about kaboom in mid flight, suddenly, without warning usually during an inflight movie or as the food trolley is heading down the aisle. This loon hates flying, despite doing it often. I not only check where all the exits are, but analyse the passengers to work out who I can outrun. Just saying.


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World

Sheep on a Plane

Pardon me

Pardon me

What do you get when you transport 2,186 sheep on a plane from Australia to Kuala Lumpur? A mid-air emergency. Evidently, the sheep farted so much it triggered the fire detection alarms and pilots were forced to divert the plane to Bali.  Pity the fool who had to open that cargo hold. Nawww stressed sheep are prone to bloat with gas. Good to know.


Filed under Friggin Wildlife

Blade Runner

Airplane windowYou know what I hate? When you’re minding you’re own beeswax on a flight and suddenly you get whacked on the back of the head with a propeller. Hate that. A passenger on a Canadian flight got kaboomed with the plane’s propeller blade after it came off mid flight and crashed through the side of the plane. That’s gotta hurt.

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Filed under That's Gotta Hurt, Whoops!

Flying High

Oh what up people? Seems a guy can’t drive his plane to the pub anymore without causing a stir !!! A pilot in Newman, Western Australia took  his wingless Beechcraft two-seater aircraft down the main drag straight to the local to have a cold one. Unfortunately the Halloween prank got him in big doodah as he didn’t have a pilot’s license…oh and the judge got all nanny statey about the potential of the propellor inflicting injuries on unsuspecting locals (especially kids).

A Newman police officer inspects the inside of the plane.


Filed under Thanks For Nothing, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never

Ebola Virus On The Loose

screamSeriously, which part of OMG run, did you not get? Have you not seen the uber friggin plague movies where someone gets on a plane with an infectious disease and spreads it faster than jam on a muffin? Suddenly, after months of “run, flesh-eating Ebola virus on the loose”, authorities are only NOW worried about airports. Well, too late, someone has already spread the world’s deadliest disease to another country after hopping onto a flight to Lagos. Yep, his potential trail of distruction includes everyone at the airport he got on and off at, everyone on the plane and also Togo, where his flight had a scheduled stopover. So boom, there you have it, the script that is no longer fiction.


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary

Chunder Down Under

Passengers on Qantas plane suffer gastroMove over worst nightmare we have a new winner. Imagine being on a 13 hour plane ride from Santiago (Chile) to Sydney with 26 students hurling their guts up violently (and lets not forget the diarrhoea) in the eight toilets, after boarding with friggin gastro. The tour group spewed and pooed the entire trip while horrified passengers watched on. When the flying bucket landed the sick were met by a line of ambulances escorting them to hospital. Pasta or chicken?

Psst Pity the poor cleaners


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross

Turtle Burger

Man tries to smuggle turtle  in KFC burgerOK, one more time loons. Despite what you might think, hiding your pet turtle in a KFC burger inside your hand luggage so you can travel with him on a plane is not going to work. Why, oh why, do you think they have Xray machines? Evidently the fast food turtle’s weeny legs protruding from the burger were a dead giveaway.

Psst China


Filed under Friggin Wildlife

“Bomb” Will Get You In Trouble Every Time

Man with Tourettes told couldn't fly because he said bombA man was not allowed to board a plane from the US to Puerto Rico because he kept repeating the word “bomb”. Steady on loons, the man has Tourette Syndrome and when he gets nervous he sometimes says  things he’s trying to suppress, like all the Boston bombing mayhem. His friends had notified the airline and TSA about his condition prior but obviously they didn’t take it into consideration. Sheez , he could have sat next to me, I wouldn’t have cared , I’m more worried about the plane crashing.


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

Tadpole Smuggler

Woman caught smuggling tadpole onto planeA woman in China was caught attempting to smuggle tadpoles onto a plane by …wait for it… hiding them in her mouth. Airport security at one of the checkpoints had asked her to drink or discard a bottle of liquid she was carrying. They became suspicious when she poured the liquid into her mouth but refused to swallow it.  She told officials they were given to her as a present. OMG, I don’t know what’s worse, taddies swimming around your chops or someone giving them to you as a gift?


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, Friggin Wildlife

Man Slaps Toddler On Plane

Passenger slaps baby on plane


I know screaming kids on  planes are worse than snakes but mister there is no need to tell the mother of a toddler to  “shut that ni**er baby up,” and then slap the kid. Just saying. Evidently the 19 month old let rip (which on occasions I have been known to do – ears, my goddam ears) as the plane began its decent to Atlanta. The man seated next to the mother began getting agitated by the crying ,flew into a racist rant and then leaned across and slapped him with an open hand. Yep, that’s an assault charge right there. Hmm and here I thought they stopped allowing nuts on planes.

Psst Lucky the toddler wasn’t kicking the back of his chair or it might have been a blood bath.


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never