Chimp Addicted to Human Porn

OK , here’s the thing Spanish zoo keepers, if you put a TV in Gina the chimp’s enclosure and let her use the remote so she can change channels by herself, of course she is going to find the porn channel. Dah! Seems Gina quickly got the hang of channel surfing and now she is obsessed with the human porn station. So much for evolution.

Porn Watching Burglar Caught

Why are the keys sticking?

OK, it’s one thing breaking into random people’s homes  surf the net for porn on their computers but leaving behind lubricant and towels is just friggin gross. Now go wash your hands…sheez!!! The Oregon porn watching burglar was arrested and police say they have enough evidence to make the charges stick (ewh).

Number 1 Reason For Parental Lock Out System

A 13 year old boy who became obsessed with surfing the net looking for porn has found himself on the sex offender register. Hmm well son, did no one tell you kiddy porn is wrong?

Want sauce with that?

So How Long Do You Watch Porn A Day?

The average time spent watching porn on the internet is 8 minutes and 35 seconds

Yes, it’s a new study loons. So guess how long the average person sits at their computer and watches porn per day? 8 minutes and 35 seconds to be precise.  Yep, that would be enough!

OMG Terrorists Putting Subliminal Messages In Porn

Honey, do you see four letter words on this here movie?

You know what I hate? When those damn Al Qaeda put subliminal messages in your porn. I really friggin hate that! A man from Michigan rang police after he suspected  terrorists had inserted secret messages into his porn movie. When police arrived he showed them the offending section in the movie in slow motion and sure enough there were maybe four readable words. He told police he reported the incident because he had read about the evil tactics of the Al Qaeda.

You Can Soon Watch Porn on Ryanair

Hey loons, you know Ryanair, that cheap and nasty Irish airlines? Well, it may get a whole lot nastier if the chief executive officer has his way. Michael O’Leary is hoping to offer in-flight porn movies. Hmm, what could possibly go wrong? Mr O’Leary said “I’m not talking about having it on screens on the back of seats for everyone to see. It would be on hand-held devices,” Blahahahahaa, hand held devices!!!!! Well at least the men will be happy on long haul flights!!!

Psst I bet they will now charge for tissues!!!

Shocking

OK, here’s the thing French amateur photographer, when sneaking into a railway yard to shoot soft porn on top of a freight train with a young model, make sure there aren’t any power lines or things that go zap. The poor guy got the shock of his life when he climbed onto a roof of a train. He’s now in a major burns unit with burns to over 50% of his body and serious legions.

No Wonder He Never Left The Compound

First they told us he was shot in his undies, now they are telling us they found his extensive porn collection. I’m so confused. Was  Osama Bin Laden really a terrorist or just a very naughty boy?

Psst Those 72 virgins are in for a fun time!

Welcome To My Lair

OK here’s the thing sick little puppy, if you are going to flash your genitals and masturbate at a little kid, don’t invite the police into your house if you have friggin child pornography stuck on your walls and bedhead. Sheez, show some decorum! John  Kohler admitted to exposing himself and possessing pictures, videos and files of child pornography after inviting the cops into his apartment .

Want sauce with that?

Man Bursts Into Flames Watching Porn

Oils aint oils

Now loons, no jumping to conclusions here but a man in San Francisco has burst into flames while in a private booth watching videos at a porn shop. An investigation is underway as to what exactly happened but witnesses say they saw him burst out of the doors of the store engulfed in fire . Luckily there were firefighters about a block away who raced to the scene and doused him. He is currently in critical condition in hospital.