Tag Archives: Portland

The Ultimate Defriending

Tribal council have spoken!

OK, here’s the thing Portland nurse, posting photos of a dying patient’s buttocks on your Facebook page and then making derogatory comments about them will result in a) Being fired from your job b) spending 8 days in jail c) prohibited from having a nursing license in the US  d) being banned from Facebook and other social media sites or  e) all of the above.

6 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Fliers Fail

Seven alleged drug dealers were arrested in Portland after fliers appeared throughout the neighborhood advertising “Heroin For Sale”. The added bonus, they also included their address. Seriously, you need to change your marketing strategy!

Want sauce with that?

3 Comments

Filed under Friggin Dumbass, Friggin Hilarious

Naked People Need Health And Safety Rules Too

No one warned me about chaffing

Attention Portlanders, the police would just like to ask all the cyclist competing in the World Naked Bike Ride to wear a helmet and shoes to avoid any potential injuries. Thank you.

Psst It’s legal in portland to be naked in public, just in case you were wondering!

12 Comments

Filed under Friggin Hilarious

So That’s Why A Postman Always Rings Twice

You know what I hate? When your postie poops in your yard. I really friggin hate that! A Portland homeowner was so horrified at what he was witnessing from his living room window he grabbed his camera. Don Derfler saw the postman pull down his pants and shit in his garden. That’s one nasty delivery. Postie has been suspended pending an investigation.

Psst Are you all thinking what I am?  How did he wipe his ass?

6 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, Well I Never

At Least You Were Clean!

OK, here’s the thing Timothy Chapek, when breaking into a house don’t be taking no shower because the owner and his two German Shepherds may return home during the middle of it, forcing you to ring 911 because you’re scared he has a gun. Chapek had broken into the Portland home and was taking a shower (as you do) when the owner returned and confronted him. Quick thinking Chapek locked himself in the bathroom and rang 911 fearing the owner may a) set the dogs onto him or b) shoot him. Either way it was a lose/lose so he rang the cops for the trifecta!

6 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Here’s A Tip!

No lady, no. A 3 month old child is in a critical condition in a Portland hospital after his mother attempted a home circumcision on the little tyke. Ouch!

4 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, That's Gotta Hurt

Hair Today Jail Tomorrow

Dude, you snip stranger’s hair on a bus and then put glue in it, that’s 2 and a bit years  jail in Oregon. Jared Walter was found guilty of third degree robbery and witness tampering  after he was caught cutting large clumps of hair off bus passengers in the Portland area and then getting friends to lie and plant evidence to mislead investigators. Sheez, 2 years huh?

2 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass, They Live Among Us !, Whoops!

Oh Shit

Everybody duck!

Remember when the Portland bomb squad were called out to destroy a suspicious package that turned out to be full of feces? Hmm, yeah well neither do I, but evidently the poo bomb was planted outside city hall by disgruntled former firefighter, Larry York. York eventually admitted to it after dobbing in another firefighter. There’s 37 yeas as a firefighter down the toilet!

4 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, Thanks For Nothing, Whoops!

Golden Shower

That's gross!

Ewh, a man is facing charges after it was alleged he sprayed fox urine on protesters and a police officer outside a restaurant in Portland. No one is quite sure why he sprayed them as he wasn’t involved in the wage dispute protest but it may have been because he was sick and tired of the commotion near his apartment (which happens to be above the restaurant). Geez, forget the story, I want to know how he got a fox to pee into a container!

5 Comments

Filed under Friggin Gross, Thanks For Nothing, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never

Sneaky Hair Snipper Caught

OMG!

Jared Weston Walter you didn’t did you? Hmm, seems the Portland man is behind the snipping off of a fellow bus passenger’s hair on New Year’s Eve. Mr Walter was sitting behind the woman when he decided to take to her hair with scissors. He  is also a suspect in the cutting and gluing (dear god man) of several other women’s hair in recent weeks. Nasty. You know I would like to give the dude the benefit of the doubt but he already has an outstanding warrant for gluing another person’s hair.

4 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass, I'm Just Saying !, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never