Tag Archives: Queens

United Pigeons of Benetton

Attention all those people in Queens who thought those weird coloured pigeons were stunning parrot/pigeon hybrids, they ain’t. Nope, it seems they are really just the plain old basic pigeons that some clown has dyed. As you were.

Psst Some people have way too much time on their hands.

pigeon-hybrid

3 Comments

Filed under Friggin Wildlife, Well I Never

Urban Chickening

It's hard to open the fridge to get a beer!

Oh my, Robert McMinn and Jules Corkery have probably got high cholesterol and the stinkiest apartment in Queens after they decided to raise three chickens in their one bedroom apartment. Yep, it’s part of an urban organic food movement. The couple get about 6 eggs a week from their hens. It is suspected hundreds of people are raising chickens in the city. Hmm, you can probably tell from the scratch marks on their sofas.

Psst My chicken Gretel, stopped laying after watching Jerry Springer!

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Filed under Friggin Wildlife, Well I Never

It Was Worth A Try

Huh, what ticket?

OMG, when 72 year old Milledge McCassell went to a deli in Queens to check his lottery ticket on the electric scanner he discovered he was a “Big Winner!”. All excited he handed over his ticket to the store worker to see how much he had won and that’s when everything got a little ugly. The worker told him he had won Jack and refused to give back the ticket.Poor old Milledge left but returned soon after demanding his ticket back. Now the worker had told him he had lost the ticket. Three friggin times the elderly man came back demanding his ticket before ringing police. Damn good thing he did because the bastard was going to claim the $14 million for himself. Yes, 14 friggin million.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never

So The Urban Legend Is True

Can the owner of the 2ft alligator found under a car in Queens please come and pick it up. Thank you.

2 Comments

Filed under Friggin Wildlife, Well I Never

Mr Insensitive

Just doing my job!

Traffic cop Daniel Chu has failed to endear himself to the residents of Queens. In fact they hate him so much they want him fired. The ticket happy cop was even ordered into sensitivity training after numerous run ins with the public, including ticketing people at a funeral. But alas it seems to have all been in vain. His latest…wandering up to a woman changing her flat tire near the Elmhurst Hospital and slapping her with a ticket instead of helping her. Ironically Agent Chu doesn’t mind breaking the law to get himself a cup of coffee. He was been seen numerous times speeding, running stop signs and using his flashing lights just to get his coffee fix.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never, Whoops!

Turkey Slapping Lawsuit

OK firstly, I didn’t know what the hell “turkey slapped” meant. The family of a New York schoolgirl, who was dragged into the boy’s locker room by 7 classmates and then held down while they rubbed their crotches in her face, are suing.  The 12 year old honor student, who is said to be now emotionally, psychologically and socially scarred, was walking towards the girl’s locker room when she was allegedly pounced upon by the boys and later turkey slapped. The suit claims the school in Queens failed to provide adequate supervision by security or teaching staff.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Wrong, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never

You Super Sized My Car

Can the people who stole Amanda Pogany’s car come steal mine. Hmm, Ms Pogany who had her white Honda Accord stolen three years ago has had it returned all souped up like a friggin hot rod. It now has a new V8 engine, new leather interior, tinted windows , over sized tires and valve stem caps shaped like bullet casing.When she picked it up from the impound she didn’t even recognize it, saying it looked like the car from the movie “Grease”. The police found her car after they raided a Queens chop shop and it was eventually traced back to her despite the engine number being filed off.

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Filed under Friggin Awesome, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Where Was The Friggin Kite Runner?

I don't know, something about a kite string.

OMG, a 12 year old boy from Queens, New York, nearly had his head lopped off by a friggin kite string. Jared Kopeloff was skateboarding near Flushing Meadows when he was hit in the throat by a glass encrusted wire from a downed kite which was hanging between two buildings. The razor sharp string, which is used for kite-fighting (you’ve read Kite Runner haven’t you?), cut a gash along his throat from ear to ear which required 400 stitches to close. The family are now suing New York City for allowing this hell dangerous sport to take place (kite-fighting, not skateboarding!). Damn straight!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, Friggin Wrong, That's Gotta Hurt