Tag Archives: rat

East River Monster Alert

OK, I don’t want to alarm you loons, but look what just washed up from the East River in New York!!!! It looks awfully like Satan’s handiwork, despite the New York City Parks department claiming it to be a pig. Last time I looked pigs had trotters not friggin Freddy Krueger claws. The Gawker are proclaiming it to be a subway rat but I suspect something more sinister!!!!

7 Comments

Filed under Friggin Scary, Well I Never

Like A Rat Up A Drainpipe

It was horrible I tell ya, horrible!

A New Yorker is refusing to go back on the subway after a rat ran up the inside of her pant leg. The rat was reluctant to budge  she was forced to take her pants off to get the rodent out!!!! No word on how the rat is coping.

11 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Wildlife

What To Expect Coming Out Of Drainpipes When Irene Hits NY

OK, no need to panic  good people of Brooklyn but WTF!!!!! Hurricane Irene is the least of your problems. A city housing worker just pitchforked himself a 3 foot friggin rat in a New York apartment. Dear lord. Jose Rivera said the enormous rodent was frolicking with at least two other giant rats when he charged them with a pitchfork. No wonder the mayor of New York wanted everyone to evacuate city, he’s scared of whats going to be flushed out of the drains when Hurricane Irene hits.

7 Comments

Filed under Friggin Scary, Friggin Wildlife

Fastest Way To Wake Up A Homeless Man

You know what I hate? When you are fast asleep on a subway and a rat runs up your leg and gives you a big sloppy went one on your face. I really hate that!

Psst I wonder if the homeless dude has an incredible voice?

3 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, Friggin Wildlife, Well I Never

Dirty Rat

A pet rat in the UK set his friggin cage on fire after he nicked a smoldering cigarette from his owner’s ashtray and took it to bed. The rat called No Name has a habit of stealing things and putting it in his cage, which probably accounts for all the empty beer cans and litter he has accumulated. Luckily the fire only caused minor damage to the house but the owner, Nelly Banks,says No Name will be in the doghouse for some time.

3 Comments

Filed under Friggin Dumbass, Friggin Wildlife, Whoops!

Gangsta Rat

Don’t mess with a rodent in the hood you friggin pussies!

 

1 Comment

Filed under Friggin Wildlife, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Rats On Planes

Now I'm gonna miss my connecting flight!

An Air Canada flight was grounded and passengers deplaned after a big friggin rat was found in an overhead locker. After a rapid rodent response team failed to find the elusive vermin the plane was taken out of service and passengers loaded onto another flight. Hmm, one wrong chew and the dirty rat could have brought down the plane.

3 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Hilarious, Friggin Wildlife, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

You’re The Dirty Rat

Gosh, everyone knows microwaved rat tastes like shit!

OK, here’s the thing Wisconsin people who attempt to plant a dead rat in the food of an upscale restaurant to extort money, you can’t fool the insurance company.  Debbie R. Miller hatched up a scheme to place a dead rodent in her lunch and then sue The Seasons for $500,000. All went according to plan until the insurance company got their hands on one of their own. After numerous tests they concluded the rat was domestic and had been cooked in a microwave. Brilliant. The restaurant in question doesn’t use microwaves! Doh! Well never you mind Ms Miller, there are plenty more rats where you’re going.

5 Comments

Filed under Friggin Dumbass, Friggin Hilarious, How Embarrassing, Thanks For Nothing, They Live Among Us !, Whoops!