All It Left Was A Bad Taste

You would think this would be a sure fire way of convincing a jury you were insane but it seems the old pulling poop from your pants and eating it in front of jurors just doesn’t cut it  any more. Could it have been his deliberate holding up of the poo before shoving it in his mouth or the DAs argument that he “really,really likes meth-amphetamine” that lead to his downfall ? Whatever the California court found him guilty of armed robbery.  See ya.

Concealed Weapon

A female thief in Germany has found a unique way to rob a pharmacy. She squirted her breast milk at the staff, which  distracted and probably horrified them, before she took off with the money in the till. The woman was described as “robust” and spoke in some weird language. Hmm, so was that a booby trap?

Robbed and Penis Whipped

Could your day get any worse?  A woman not only had to deal with the trauma of a home invasion but also the humiliation of being slapped around the face by one of the robber’s penis. No, I haven’t made it up. The two men confronted the owner outside the house before entering and confronting the owner’s daughter-in-law who was asleep in her bedroom. They put a gun to her head and demanded money. When she said she didn’t have any, one of the dude’s whipped out his penis and began slapping her around the face with it yelling ‘Bitch give me the money.’  Good gracious, who knows where that has been  …. not enough soap in the world  😦  . Anywho, , they eventually left penniless but took two TVs on the way out. Seems they may have followed her after she took out money from a ATM earlier.

 

Crime Does Not Pay

A former French crime reporter has been , you guessed it, caught robbing a department store,  He even did the whole fake wig  and mustache thingy but the police were already on to him as he had robbed the place before.

Safe Keeping

Ah, that’s a relief

Seems some crims in the US are using their butts as the hiding place of choice for stolen goods. Take the drunk fool from Pennsylvania who crashed his car and was taken to hospital for x-rays. The doctors found a bag of synthetic marijuana, a socket for a wrench, four bracelets, four necklaces, and 11 ladies rings lodged up his bum. Seems he had been out robbing houses before his kaboom.

Up A Tree Without A Paddle

A Swedish man stuck up a tall tree rang police asking for help to get down. His story …. he scampered up the trunk to escape from a mugger. The real story …. he had been chased up the tree by police dogs after robbing a house. Yep, the stash was up the tree too.

Robber Day Care

You’re an armed robber who, along with four other men, decide to ransack a house. You tie up the occupants with rope and duct tape and are about to go to work  when a baby starts to cry. What do you do? Well, if you are Kojek Mista you get it some milk , feed the bub and then rock it gently it to sleep before continuing to rob the house. The group stole over $5000 worth of stuff but were later caught. They all face 10 years behind bars (oh, except for the one who was shot dead).

Sesame Street in PR Nightmare

Attention loons in Florida, be on the look out for a man in a cookie monster hat, he is wanted in connection with a robbery at a Ocala store. In other Sesame Street news, it seems the man behind Elmo’s voice is in trouble over allegations he had underage sex with a 16 year old boy, 7 years ago. Hmm, well I’m guessing Tickle Me Elmo won’t be a big seller this Chrissy.

Soup Foils Robbery

Who needs a gun to foil a robbery when you have a pot of soup. All hail the Subway worker in Illinois who threw a pot of soup over an armed robber (who was wearing a ghost mask). The dude exited stage left after the dunking without getting so much as a dime. I better it was CHICKEN soup!!!

Psst He could have whacked him with a foot long!!!

That’s No Way To be A Robber, Son.

You know you suck at robbery when you have to ask a Subway cashier for a pen so you can write a hold up note.The dumbass then sat down in a booth , wrote his demands on a piece of paper and then waited for all the customers to leave. When he eventually handed the cashier the note she pressed the alarm button. You can pretty much guessed what happened from there. Such is the life of a crack addict.