Tag Archives: scotland

Have You Checked the Children?

Attention loons, best job ever is being offered in Scotland. Hands up who wants to be a nanny? OK, there is just one catch, apart from having to look after friggin snowflakes, you have to contend with a ghost. Evidently the place is hell crazy…weird noises, furniture moving, things breaking (the usual paranormal stuff). So far 5 nannies have run for the hills. The family claim they have never experienced anything out of the ordinary. Hmm, so what are the odds they employed 5 lying, delusional child care workers? Sleep with one eye open nannies.


Filed under Friggin Hilarious, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never

UFO Nearly Takes Out An Airbus

UFO nearly collides with passenger planeIf anyone knows what is yellow and blue and can fly 35,000ft, two Glasgow pilots want a word. The pilots were flying an Airbus 320 over Scotland, with 200 passengers on board, when the unidentified flying object came within meters of the plane.  The object came at them so fast they had no time to dodge the thing but luckily  it whizzed under the plane. It was a perfect sunny day and both pilots saw the object very clearly but when they radioed Glasgow Airport control tower to report the incident the tower claimed they had nothing on their radar. Hmm, yellow and blue? Sounds like the aliens are getting rather lavish with their spaceship designs in their old age.


Filed under Friggin Scary, Well I Never

Sticky Situation

Truck spills glue on a road in ScotlandA road in Scotland was closed for 12 hours after a truck carrying glue jackknifed and dropped its container. The mass of liquid glue engulfed the lorry and a car before flowing  up to the doorstep of a nearby house . Local road workers used grit to cover the glue. Hmm, glue and grit would make a nice friggin rock!!!!


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Whoops!

Another Useless Emergency Call

Useless 999 callA rather peeved Scottish man rang 999 (911 equivilent) claiming that the staff at an Edinburgh McDonalds store had ignored him, so he had jumped into his car , driven to the drive-thru window and proceeded to hold up the queue. Needless to say the dispatcher asked him for a McFeast and fries. OK, no she didn’t.


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World

The Hormones Made Me Do It

Do not and I repeat, do not,  get between a woman and her hormones….or in this case, a woman, her hormones and her car. The Scottish woman, who blamed female troubles, was fleeing from a store detective when she cleaned up the unsuspecting pedestrian and took him for a 300 meter ride on the hood of her car. Stuart Morris claims Suzanne Gilchrist drove the car at high speeds and from side to side trying to get him off, but he clung on tight. That’s a jailing of four years and three months right there, my dear.


Filed under Friggin Scary, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never

Wilderness Claims Adventurer

A man who wanted to live like Bear Grylls for a year has been found dead in a hut in the Scottish wilderness. David Austin (29) from Derby survived less than a month before falling victim to hypothermia.


Filed under Well I Never

Thank God For Deed Poll

Thanks mum!

The Scots much have been sipping a little too much of the hard stuff this year. Check out the best of the weirdest baby names …. Jesuslovesme, Awesome, Boo-Tiger, Delight and Marvelous. Hmm, there might be a few teens in therapy later down the track.

Psst Sophie and Jack were the most popular.


Filed under Friggin Hilarious, Well I Never

Weather According To Hess

Oh my, a slight Scottish news blunder had infamous Nazi Rudolf Hess delivering the weather report. Awkward much?


Filed under How Embarrassing, Whoops!

Hello, Emergency Service?

And the winner of the dumbassed 999 caller (Scottish) of the week goes to the person who rang emergency services to report someone had farted on their dog. Still no word on the condition of the pooch.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass

I Think I’m Falling For You

Hey, where did she go?

You know what I hate? When you take your secret lover up to the roof of a 30ft building in Aberdeen, Scotland, for a little sex romp and she falls through the roof…naked. I really friggin hate that. The red faced 19 year old Polish brunette had to be rescued by police and firefighters after she plummeted 10ft into a disused shop when the roof caved in during a sex session. As for the guy, he has remained anonymous due to the fact he is engaged to another woman. Awkward.


Filed under I'm Just Saying !, Thanks For Nothing, That's Gotta Hurt, Well I Never, Whoops!