Tag Archives: semen

Semen in Water Bottle

halloweenYou might want to double check your water bottles, good  people of Perth. Seems there is a legal loophole that allows someone to put their semen in a bottle of water and sell it to you without fear of prosecution. A very unlucky woman purchased a bottle of water from a shop, placed it in her fridge but later, when she drank a few sips, was horrified by the nasty taste and smell. After taking it to the police and having it DNA tested it was revealed the water contained semen from the deli owner. Hmm, that would be hard to swallow. Anywho, the DPP determined that the incident could not be defined as an offence under the Criminal Code therefore no charges could be laid. She is currently attempting to sue the dirty, dirty man.

Psst Megagetoverit dug this one up.

Want source with that?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, Well I Never

Step Away From The Yoghurt

Ewh, ewh, ewh, Anthony Garcia, a grocery worker, has admitted he put his semen on a spoon before placing it in  a sample yoghurt then offering it to a female customer. The poor victim immediately spat out the offending food and police were able to link Mr Garcia’s DNA from what they had collected from the floor. Hmm, that would kind of put you off dairy for friggin ever!!!

Want sauce with that?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross

That Would Explain The Floaties

Oh for goodness sakes, ejaculating in your co-worker’s water bottle because her “lips had touched it” and it was as close as you were going to ever going to get to her, is a pretty lame excuse Michael Lallana. Hmm, doing it twice is damn right evil. In the first incident the poor victim had no idea that Mr lallana had um, left his semen in her water bottle, which was sitting on her desk. After she took a swig, she felt sick and threw the bottle away. A few months later a similar thing happened so she sent the bottle away for testing and guess what, it came back positive for semen (and not from some fish!).God bless DNA testing. Mr Lallana will learn his fate on Friday.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, Sore Loser, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never

That Is Hard To Swallow

Oh dear, when an Albuquerque woman tasted a free yogurt sample at the Sunflower Market she immediately spat it out claiming it tasted like sperm. Sheez, well spotted! The woman was so disgusted she rang police who scooped up the evidence that was still where she had spat it out. The employee was arrested (for unrelated warrants) but won’t be charged until the test results can prove it’s semen. Hmm, so what was the yogurt brand?

Want sauce (pardon the pun) with that?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, Join the skeptic club!, Well I Never

Wanker

Ewh, you know what I hate? When you go to a school library and some fool exposes himself and then ejaculates on your arm . I really friggin hate that! Oritse Ayu from Maryland was arrested after being identified from the Montgomery College surveillance footage. It is alleged Ayu ejaculated on the woman as she was reading then when she turned around he flashed his penis at her. Lucky there is plenty of DNA evidence.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, Whoops!

Kind Of Like Finger Painting!

I can't do this under pressure

Ewh, ewh, ewh, I would step away from any top-secret World War I documents you may come across if I were you. Seems during that time the MI6 were experimenting with semen as an invisible ink. Oh come on, I wouldn’t make this up, it’s all there in Walte Kirke’s diary. He was deputy head of military intelligence at GHQ France. He mentions that in 1915, Mansfield Cumming (no pun intended), the first chief of the Secret Intelligence Service, was investigating the use of man juice as the ideal invisible ink.   Seems it all went downhill when the agent who discovered that semen would not react to iodine vapor became the butt of jokes. Oh and it also didn’t help that the “ink” friggin stank.

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Filed under Friggin Gross, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Wanker In The Workplace

OMG, OMG, OMG, Michael Lallana has been charged with jerking off into a female colleague’s bottle of water TWICE and each time the poor soul drank it. Ewh, ewh, ewh. It is believed Mr Lallana snuck into the woman’s office and masturbated into her water bottle which was on the desk. She told police after drinking from the bottle she had felt sick and had thrown it away. The second time it happened she kept the bottle and had it tested. I suspect she went a little pale when told the water contained semen. After a DNA check of staff  Mr Lallana was arrested.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, Friggin Wrong, Well I Never

At Least It Was His!

Oh for goodness sakes Michael Wayne Edwards Jr, squirting women with semen from a bottle is just friggin gross.No, seriously, gross! So far 5 victims have come forward, with more expected.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, They Live Among Us !, Whoops!