Tag Archives: sex toy

Well Son, That’s Mommy and Daddy’s Toy

LaughOh dear, that’s awkward. A six year old German boy who was playing in his parent’s bedroom accidentally got stuck in their furry handcuffs. Unfortunately, no one could find the key so mum and granny had to escort the young fella to the police station where they had them off in a jiffy. Hmm, I’m guessing there would have been much banter and giggles around a few dinner tables that night.

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Filed under Friggin Hilarious, Whoops!

Should Have Read The Instructions

man had gentials rescued from steel sex toyEmergency workers in Spain had their hands full trying to free a man’s testicles and penis from a steel sex toy. They had to use a two bladed buzz saw, which required two battery changes, before they could free the dude’s manhood from the metal ring. The rescue was made that little bit harder because his genitals continued to swell.

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Filed under That's Gotta Hurt, Well I Never, Whoops!

Good Vibrations

OK here’s the thing anti terrorist bomb squad experts, sometimes strange ticking noises coming from a parcel at a Russian post office doesn’t  mean bomb. Nope, could be a vibrator. When staff heard strange ticking coming from a package they contacted police who quickly evacuated the building.  The bomb squad were called in and they eventually defused the sex toy by switching it off.  Move on, nothing to see here!

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Filed under Friggin Hilarious, How Embarrassing, Well I Never

Stop! Or I’ll …..

It's all just a horrible misunderstanding!

Hmm, since when has a “clear, rigid feminine pleasure device” (dildo) been considered a weapon? When Carolee Bildsten (57) allegedly used it as self defense against a cop. Oh boy. The story is a tad long winded so here’s my diluted version…Bildsten goes to Joe’s Crab Shack for a meal and  a couple of drinks, she’s a tad pissed and has forgotten her purse.She tells the bartender she’ll toddled home to get some cash (psst she has a broken foot). Gives up on a taxi and walks. Police eventually find her lying in the grass (she tripped, OK!!). They take her home, she goes to her sock draw to get her money and one of the officers startles her. That’s when she reached for her dildo in self defense (can’t trust those Gurnee police officers!). That’s an arrest right there. Bildsten is  an active member of Alcoholics Anonymous and is working hard at improving her life. You go girl!

Want sauce with that?

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Filed under I'm Just Saying !, Whoops!, You Go Girl!

Creepy Alert

Hi honey, I'm home!

A heartbroken businessman has paid $18,000 to have a life sized sex doll made in the likeness of his ex girlfriend…oh, with just one small exception “I want it just like her but with bigger boobs”. The doll, which was made by Italian adult toymaker Diego Bortolin, weighs 58kg, is 1.6m tall and is fully flexible.

Psst I bet the sex is the same but the dishes are piling up in the sink!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never

Baby You Can Light My Fire

Are you sure?

Well, well, well, people, don’t be thinking prehistoric woman were just being dragged around by the hair all day long. Scientist believe they have unearthed the world’s oldest sex toy. Yes, sex toy. Oooh and it was multi-functional to boot. The 30,000 year old siltstone (aka dildo) was unearthed in a German cave by scientist and after close investigation they have concluded that the stone was used not only as a device to ignite fires but also as a device to satisfy the cave woman. The sex toy, which they believe was discarded after it broke, features caved rings around one polished end and scratch marks on the other, used for striking flint. Hmm, so even 30,000 years ago women had to find other ways to satisfy themselves! Nothing friggin changes.

Psst Thank god for batteries!

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Filed under Friggin Awesome, I'm Just Saying !, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never, You Go Girl!

Hand Cranked Vibrator Anyone?

You have to work for it!

Geez, looks like hard work!

Just when you thought it was safe, another friggin vibrator story! Yes and this time it is called the Earth Angel (can’t recall that being on the Good Housekeeping list!). The brilliance of this little eco-sex toy is that it  uses a little wind up handle to recharge the batteries! OK, I am trying to keep a straight face here people. Evidently the vibrators are manufactured by an Irish company, whose original plan was to ship the “do it yourself” cranking vibrators to third world countries, where batteries and electricity are pretty much non existent (poor buggers, it isn’t like their lives are hard enough without having to manually crank up their vibrators!).But anywho the company has been swamped with interest from the greenies and environmentally friendly sex toy users. Oh boy, another thing the third world will miss out on! Don’t tell Bob Geldof, he’ll be pissed! Hmm, ideal for camping trips!

Psst Check out the Earth Angel website, preferably while at work, it has friggin sound effects!

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Filed under Friggin Awesome, Friggin Hilarious, Well I Never

Get That Thing Away From Me!

and then officer she started to ...

and then officer she started to ...

What the? A woman has been arrested for poking her boyfriend in the groin with a pink sex toy.Kimberly Lynn Calvert had been drinking a little too much when she began yelling and screaming at her boyfriend John Anthony Gonzales. Next thing he knows she had the pink thingamabobby  in her hand and was whacking him in the privates . Of course he rang 911 (geez, yet they usually hate it when you ring complaining about your McNuggets!). Hmm, pity the fool who had to handle that evidence.

Psst Geez, most real men would have considered that just foreplay?

2 Comments

Filed under Friggin Hilarious, How Embarrassing, That's Gotta Hurt