Mick Fanning One Lucky Bastard

There is nothing like live TV to capture your worst nightmare. Aussie legend Mick Fanning was attacked by a shark during a South African surfing event as the cameras were on him. Fortunately he was able to Chuck Norris the beast.

How to Avoid Being Eaten By a Shark

According to a new report playing dead when confronted by a shark is not going to save you. No shit Sherlock. Who on earth could play dead for goodness sakes? Anywho, a shark is still going to have a nip whether you play dead or not. Useless in my case because, even if I miraculously managed to pretend I was dead, I would still have to have a little  peek to see where the bugger was. Oh and if you thought splashing around like a mad man was going to scare it off, don’t bother,  evidently it attracts more sharks.

Here  is where  the loon would definitely become shark bait…..jewellery or bright swimming costumes will make you look like a big old shiny fish.

Never , ever , enter water while bleeding. Sharks are bloodhounds of the sea and can pinpoint exactly where and who .

Make sure you swim in a group, preferably right smack bang in the middle. Sharks like to pick off the lone swimmer.

My advice on how to avoid a shark attack ….. take up knitting.

 

 

Rogue Shark Alert

Feet up people holidaying on the island of Reunion, there is a rogue shark on the loose and it just bit a teenager in two. Yes, you heard me, in TWO.  The 15 year old girl was swimming just a few metres from shore when it pounced. Seriously, I am glad these things aren’t amphibian.

Fourth Shark Fatality

Maybe not!!!

Feet up Perth. Another shark attack, this time near Busselton. So far there have been four fatal shark attacks off the West Australian coast in less than a year. Why can’t I stop the Jaws theme playing in my head?

Feet Up Perth

Could Perth have a serial killer shark on the loose? A 3m white pointer is believed responsible for the death of an American man who had been diving off Rottnest Island today. Hello, this is the third victim in seven weeks. OK, no one is saying it’s the same shark but if it is…yikes! The man, believed to be on a working holiday, was diving alone when the shark attacked. By the time his friends saw the “flurry of bubbles” it was all too late. Authorities have now been given the all clear to kill the rogue shark. Hmm, aren’t all white pointers rogues?

 

Surfing The Shark

Forget jumping the shark, Doug Niblack surfed the shark! Yep, while surfing at Seaside a 12ft great white bumped him off his board but instead of becoming shark bait he somehow ended up standing on top of the creature. Humiliated the shark swam off.

Rogue Shark Strikes Again

OK, note to self, do not go swimming in the Seychelles, friggin sharks! The honeymoon ended for a British couple after Ian Redmond was attacked and killed by a 2 m shark while snorkeling 10m off Anse Lazio beach. They are calling it a “rogue” shark that has been stalking swimmers for at least a month. Rogue? I’d called it nasty assed! Two weeks ago a French diver was killed by presumably the same “nasty assed” shark. The couple had been on their finally week of their honeymoon.

Shark Left A Souvenir

Just a little update on the shark attack victim Elyse Frankcom …during surgery they pulled a shark tooth out of her butt and “She’s actually quite stoked apparently that she’s got a memento.” Just thought you would like to know. Oh and the mystery kickass hero’s first name is Trevor.

Kickass Hero Saves Guide From Great White Shark

Kickass Hero

OMG, there is one very sorry assed shark swimming around Rockingham today. The great white was thwarted from lunching on a snorkeler by a kickass hero who grabbed it’s tail and yanked him off the left buttock of Elyse Frankcom (19). The attack happened during a “swim with the dolphins” tour in Perth. Frankcom, one of the Rockingham Wild Encounters tour guides, was snorkeling in about 7m of water when the 3m great white struck. It sunk its teeth into her hip and left buttock before the kickass hero (who declined to give his name) grabbed the sharks tail, making it let go of her. Not done, the kickass hero then dived underwater to grab the now sinking tour guide, pulling her back to the surface and onto the boat. Ms Frankcom, who is expected to make a full recovery, told medics she also punched the shark in the face. Humiliated much Mr great white shark ?

Psst A search is now on to identify the kickass hero so he can be nominated for Australia’s highest award for heroism. AND no it wasn’t Chuck Norris!

Natural Selection

Well blow me down with a bucket full of karma. Khanyisile Momoza was among a group of 12 poachers stealing valuable perlemoen shells in the waters near Gansbaai in South Africa when a big friggin white pointer ate him. Yep, that’s right the illegal fisherman became lunch. Poacher 0, Great White 1.