Child’s Play

Just saying

It didn’t take long for the Massachusetts police to nab a shoplifter in Walmart. The fool used Play-doh on the security alarms and left a nice big friggin fingerprint in it. Doh! Fast forward to the Connecticut Forensics Lab and well you can guess the rest.

Steal On Wheels

A British thief came up with a unique way to shoplift …pretend to be in a wheelchair. Unfortunately, she didn’t count on CCTV footage filming her miraculously getting up from her chair and stuffing items up her coat. Despite the footage she and her accomplice rolled out of the Marks and Spencers food store.

That’s One Way To Stop Crime

Don’t mess with Texas Walmart employees, they’ll run you down with their car if they suspect you of shoplifting,  just ask Dominique Mason, a high school senior. Mason was contemplating nicking a few DVDs and video games when he had a change of heart and left the store. Unbeknownst to him he was being watched by a savvy employee who didn’t notice that Mason had returned the items. As Mason walked down the street a car came up behind him and kaboom, he rolled onto the hood and thudded to the ground. Next thing he knows is he’s face to face with the “takes his job way too seriously” Walmart employee who told him he was to never to return to the store again.  And that my friends is how they do it in Texas.

Want sauce with that?

Is That a Lobster In Your Shorts Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

Their claws are sharp!!!

Crickey, a man in Mississippi  must have been desperate for the finer things in life. Nathan Hardy waltzed into a D’Iberville grocery store and proceeded to stuff his cargo shorts with food, including 2 live lobsters. Dude? Among the other things slipped into his pants were two bags of jumbo shrimp and a pork loin, which he used to hurl at an employee of the nearby Winn Dixie who gave chase. I don’t know if the live lobsters had anything to do with it but Hardy fell while making his getaway. No word on the condition of the lobsters but I suspect they may be in need of some therapy. Hello, they nearly became lobster meat balls!

Psst Shout out to Deyank for the story.

There Are Winners and there Are Losers

Oh for crying out loud lady if you were only happy with your first haul!!! Elizabeth Genevieve Null  was enjoying a shoplifting spree at a garden supply store having just emptied her bag into her car and had returned for more when she spied a raffle . After stuffing her bag with more stolen goods she strolled over and filled out the raffle ticket. Yep, not only did she put her real name and address she also gave her phone number. Dumbass. You can pretty much guess what happened next!

 

 

Grand Opening Fail

OK, here’s the thing lady, if you are going to attempt to steal $200 worth of items by stuffing them down your clothes, can you make sure it’s not during the grand opening of the friggin store, especially when the Hoquiam Chief of police and McGruff the crime dog are in attendance. Gosh!

It Takes Some Skill

I couldn’t do this without making a complete fool of myself but a man in Georgia was arrested after he stuffed a rotisserie chicken, chicken wings, a mouth guard and two toothbrushes down the front of his pants and walked out of a Walmart. Joseph Lee Stringer managed to get all the way out of the store via the garden center before getting busted. Hmm, I hope that chicken wasn’t hot.

Humiliation Is The Best Deterrent

Note to self, never attempt to steal from a Virginia costume store owner’s shop. When Andrew Perry caught the sticky fingered teen, rather than ring cops he handed out his own form of punishment. He made the 18 year old stand outside the store for two days dressed up as the Sesame Street character Bert  (from Bert and Ernie) and hold a sign saying he was  shoplifter.

Application Denied

Oh for crying out loud lady, it was bad enough you stole clothes from a shop after your friggin job interview, but did you have wear clothes you stole the day before too. The 40 year old woman from Ontario was in the store for a job interview. Hmm, so after handing over her resume and having a quick chat with the store manager she lifted a few items before leaving. Enter police who identified the woman thanks to her resume. Later, after sifting through security footage they spotted the woman the day before stealing clothes for the job interview. No loons, she didn’t get the friggin job!

Life Sentence For Stealing Socks at WalMart

Separated from the rest of the flock!

Bummer, a shoplifter has been given a life sentence for stealing a packet of $4 socks. Problem it seemed was Dean Rockmore was also was carrying a gun and flashed it at a Walmart employee when confronted in a parking lot after fleeing the store with his footwear. Hmm,  so technically that’s “armed  robbery” right there  and as  Mr Rockmore was a friggin re-offender a life sentence is mandatory.