One Way To Get Out Of Doing Chores

Moral of the story is never carry a loaded gun in your pocket while mowing the lawn because it might fall out, discharge and shoot you in the goddam leg. Ain’t that right mister from Colorado Springs?

The Dangers of Bed Bouncing

OK Loons, the moral of this story is, never,ever hide a gun between two mattresses if you have a 5 year old in the house because if she happens to bounce on the bed….. KABOOM…. a bullet right through her ankle.

Want sauce with that?

Karaoke Is Deadly

and now the end is near I face the ......

Oh my, William Oller Sr (70) told his son ‘I’m going to shut you up’ before grabbing  a gun and shooting him 4 times. Reason? His son wouldn’t stop karaoke singing on his karaoke machine. Oller Jr (50) was shot in the shoulder, head, arm and chest, while Oller Sr managed a bullet to the leg. No word on what Oller Jr was singing.

Psst Oller Jr will live to sing another day.

AIDS joke fail

OK, here’s the thing lady, don’t jokingly tell the man you just slept with that you have AIDS or he might just go and get his 12 gauge shotgun from the closet and shoot you in the head, making you deaf in one ear. I’m just saying. Lloyd Wilkins has no sense of humor.

Van Gogh Killed By Two Boys

Well go stick a pin in art history Steven Naifeh and Gregory White Smith. The two authors are claiming Vincent Van Gogh did not kill himself, I repeat, did not kill himself but rather was shot dead by two local kids with a malfunctioning pistol. The great painter, who was a tad loopy, was thought to have shot himself in the chest before walking a mile to get help while living in the village of Auvers-sur-Oise  in France . But the new claim suggests he was accidentally shot.  Hmm, and that would make him still dead.

Granny Takes A Bullet

Just don't touch my perm dear!

A 92 year old granny from Wales jumped in front of a gunman who burst into a hair salon and took a bullet to the neck. Connie, as she is known, saw Darren Williams about to shoot his estranged wife so she leaped into action to protect her hairdresser.When she was being carted away she began freaking out. She wanted to know where she was shot because she was afraid they would shave her newly done do! Mr Williams, in the meantime, ran into the woods and killed himself.

I Guess You Won’t Be Getting That Job

Imagine the shock, horror of rolling up to a job interview and finding the employers DEAD? Well it happened to some poor friggin woman in Arizona. She showed up at the house to be interviewed for a  personal assistant position and found the body of  man and a woman, with obvious gunshot wounds, dead on the front patio. Police say they are treating the deaths as suspicious!! Hmm, ya don’t say!!!!!! Maybe the previous interview didn’t go so well ?

Good To Know Minneapolis

And the quote of the week goes to a Minneapolis police spokesman who had this to say following the shooting of a teen in the chest while riding his bike.

“There are a number of kids who walk or ride their bikes through north Minneapolis who do not get shot,”

Hero Alert

A big shout out to Arizona congress woman Gabrielle Giffords who walked into the House of Representatives in Washington today, to personally cast her vote in favor of the debt ceiling bill. Ms Giffords was shot in the head by a crazed gunman about six months ago while making an appearnace at a shopping mall. Now that’s brave.

Spanish Singer Murdered

Spanish singer Facundo Cabral (74) has been shot dead after a concert in Guatemala City. Evidentally gunmen approached his car which was being driven by his representative and opened fire on the singer. They also riddled another car which had his bodyguard inside with 25 bullets but no one was injured. Guatemalan President Alvaro Colom reacted to the news by saying “It is sad that a man who sang about love, peace and happiness has lost his life to some bastards in Guatemala.”

Psst I suspect there is more to this story. Sounds like a deliberate hit!