Mother Sends Daughter to Siberia

Don’t worry honey, someone will come to your rescue

Holy punishment Batman. A misbehaving US teen was plonked on a plane to Siberia by her mother as punishment for being a shit at home. The girl, who was 15 at the time, was told she would spend three weeks living with her Russian father but she is still there 2 and a half years later. The girl who couldn’t speak Russian lived with  father who spoke no English for awhile but is currently living in a hotel, going to school and working 60 hours a week to avoid having to rely on her father who she discovered is no prince Charming. Meanwhile her mother seems to have washed her hands of the teen, who, if she turns 18 in Russia, may not be allowed to return to the US. Sheez, let this be a warning to all misbehaving teens …. tough love can be a bitch.

Want sauce with that?

Monster In The Lake

Good work Nessie

Feet up Siberian loons, there is a monster lurking in your lake and it likes lifting boats out of the water and wailing as it attacks. Good luck with that. Known by locals as “The Devil” it has been terrorizing  fishermen for years. The mystery has deepened this week with experts picking up a large object on their echo sounding device. Lake Labynkyr is located about 60km from the “coldest place on earth” yet despite all the other lakes in the area freezing over in winter, this lake never, ever freezes AND has no plant life!!!

House Gets Free Satellite On Roof

Hey loons, guess where a Russian satellite has crashed? Into the roof of a house in Cosmonaut Street in central Siberia, that’s where. The irony police are on their way! Yep, the Meridan communications satellite failed to launch properly and a chunk of it came a crashing down onto an unsuspecting village and right on to a street named in honor of the Russian spacemen.

The Yeti Is Alive

Stop looking people, scientist believe they have found indisputable proof of the existence of the Yeti in Siberia. Seriously dudes, ‘indisputable proof’ means you have the big hairy beast in captivity! Anywho, during an expedition to the Azasskaya cave the researchers from US and Canada found the usual Abominable Snowman evidence…footprints and hair samples. Hmm, but no hairy beast though! Why didn’t they just wait until the beast came home?

Psst What’s the bet if they ever find it they will kill it (for scientific reasons of course!)

Human Magnet

A Siberian boy is claiming to be magnetic, anything and everything sticks to him…pots, pans, plates, knives, forks,remotes, you name, it  sticks. Bogdan’s parents say he was born with magnetic powers and doctors are at a loss to explain why he  so attractive. Hmm, well maybe when the 7 year old grows up he can get a job at the airport

Psst You may not know this but I have a similar affliction, except I attract psychos!

Dead Alien

No need to panic people but ahhhh, dead alien alert . Evidently the body, that looks suspiciously like something from X-files,  was discovered in Siberia shortly after a “pink and blue glowing object” crashed from the sky. Sheez, must have been some hell of a crash because the dude lost a limb! Many people had witnessed the crash and even emergency services went to investigate. Fake or hoax?

Alien Sighting In Siberia

We come in peace

Well, who knew? Seems air traffic controllers in Siberia were buzzed by a  UFO. Oooh and then a female sounding alien suddenly communicated with them in a gibberish cat like language. It is estimated the UFO was traveling at around 6,000 mph and 64,895 ft above sea level.What the hell were they smoking?

Want sauce with that?

Siberian Cycle Fail

News flash to German cyclist who suffered severe frostbite after attempting to ride through Siberia, yes it is that friggin cold! Sven Riedel decided to cycle some 300km (187 miles) from Ulan-Ude to Lake Baikal despite the temps being -35 degrees Celsius. After riding about 100km, he pitched a tent for the night but was overcome by the friggin cold. If it wasn’t for a local driver who spied the dumbass and persuaded him to get in his car, Sven would have been a human ice block. He later told journos “I didn’t think it would be so cold.” Hmm, have you never watched Hogan’s Heroes? Doctors were worried they would have to amputate a few of his fingers but all’s good, oh,  except for the frostbite on both hands and feet.

Psst I hope he warmed the bicycle seat before getting on…I’m just saying!