Stop farting
A Chinese man has been caught once again trying to smuggle turtles out of America. This time Canadian customs busted him with 51 of the petrified creatures strapped to his legs. That would have been one awks and uncomfortable trip. Come on, give him the maximum 10 years jail.
Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Wildlife
What’s worse than ants in your pants? Hmm, try 12 hummingbirds ! A Dutchman was caught at the Rochambeau airport with the birds individually wrapped and placed in special pouches sewn into his pants. He was busted after officials saw him fidgeting!
Psst I bet they were praying he didn’t fart
Oh for crying out loud you friggin drug dealing crims, how desperate do you have to be to get someone to send you a children’s coloring books saturated in narcotic drugs to the Cape May County Correctional Center? Hmm,quite. Who knew Suboxone could be turned into a paste and plonked onto the pages of a kiddies book. Well the correctional officers for starters. The package sent to the inmate was addressed “To Daddy” and featured drawings of Cinderella and Snow White. It fooled no one and now five inmates have new charges on their resumes!
Attention people, whoever is smuggling in cell phones to Charles Manson can you friggin quit it. This is the second time the scariest man on earth has been caught with a phone. Hello, the dude is the god of mind fuck. All we need is another group of wacko followers to get caught in his manipulation tactics for goodness sakes. He’s been locked up for near 40 years imagine how pissed he is…and vengeful ?
Filed under Friggin Scary, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never
Sperm whale teeth. And you?
OK, here’s the thing Nantucket man, don’t be smuggling no sperm whale teeth into the country because that’s a federal offence. Hello, sperm whale teeth are endangered! Dear god, what the hell would you do with one? Hmm, not like you could wear it as a pendant!
Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Wildlife, Whoops!
Sheez, I don't know what all the fuss was about!
Oh for crying out loud, a Cambodian woman has been busted for smuggling a tiger’s penis into New Zealand (and no, there isn’t a golf tournament on!). The woman, who had just arrived from Singapore, was singled out by sniffer dogs and a search later revealed she had a tiger’s penis and a gall badder tied around her waist and also in a plastic bag around her leg. Sheez, seems the highly rare and endangered tiger’s penis could fetch a small fortune on the black market (ain’t that the truth Elin). Anywho, if tests prove that the dried up, wrinkly thing belongs to a real endangered species she could be fined $100,000 and/or 5 years jail.
They make great rissoles!
What the? A New York woman who smuggled monkey meat into the US has been given probation. Geez lady, were you hard up? Mamie Manneh was busted after customs discovered friggin monkey and baboon bits hidden in a shipment of smoked fish.Mamie claimed she was smuggling it in for religious reasons. OK, the judge didn’t really buy the story but he was overly lenient because she has 11 kids and is mentally ill.
Psst Where would you even start looking to find monkey meat?
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