Tag Archives: smuggling

Is That A Turtle in Your Pants Or Are You Happy….

Stop farting

Stop farting

A Chinese man has been caught once again trying to smuggle turtles out of America. This time Canadian customs busted him with 51 of the petrified creatures strapped to his legs. That would have been one awks and uncomfortable trip. Come on, give him the maximum 10 years jail.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Wildlife

Can You Hear Humming?

What’s worse than ants in your pants? Hmm, try 12 hummingbirds ! A Dutchman was caught at the Rochambeau airport with the birds individually wrapped and placed in special pouches sewn into his pants. He was busted after officials saw him fidgeting!

Psst I bet they were praying he didn’t fart

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Wildlife, Well I Never

Why Is Everyone Reading Bedtime Stories?

Oh for crying out loud you friggin drug dealing crims, how desperate do you have to be to get someone to send you a  children’s coloring books saturated in narcotic drugs to the Cape May County Correctional Center? Hmm,quite. Who knew  Suboxone could be turned into a paste and plonked onto the pages of a kiddies book. Well the correctional officers for starters. The package sent to the inmate was addressed “To Daddy” and featured drawings of Cinderella and Snow White. It fooled no one and now five inmates have new charges on their resumes!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass, Well I Never

The Psycho Always Rings Twice

Attention people, whoever is smuggling in cell phones to Charles Manson can you friggin quit it. This is the second time the scariest man on earth has been caught with a phone. Hello, the dude is the god of mind fuck. All we need is another group of wacko followers to get caught in his manipulation tactics for goodness sakes. He’s been locked up for near 40 years imagine how pissed he is…and vengeful ?

Want sauce with that?

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Filed under Friggin Scary, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Scarce As Sperm Whale Teeth

Sperm whale teeth. And you?

OK, here’s the thing Nantucket man, don’t be smuggling no sperm whale teeth into the country because that’s a federal offence. Hello, sperm whale teeth are endangered! Dear god, what the hell would you do with one? Hmm, not like you could wear it as a pendant!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Wildlife, Whoops!

Woman Arrested Over Tiger Penis

Sheez, I don't know what all the fuss was about!

Oh for crying out loud, a Cambodian woman has been busted for smuggling a tiger’s penis into New Zealand (and no, there isn’t a golf tournament on!). The woman, who had just arrived from Singapore, was singled out by sniffer dogs and a search later revealed she had a tiger’s penis and a gall badder tied around her waist and also in a plastic bag around her leg. Sheez, seems the highly rare and endangered tiger’s penis could fetch a small fortune on the black market (ain’t that the truth Elin). Anywho, if tests prove that the dried up, wrinkly thing belongs to a real endangered species she could be fined $100,000 and/or 5 years jail.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, Friggin Wildlife, Friggin Wrong, They Live Among Us !

The Meat Is A Bit Chewy!

They make great rissoles!

What the? A New York woman  who smuggled monkey meat into the US has been given probation. Geez lady, were you hard up? Mamie Manneh was busted after customs discovered friggin monkey and baboon bits hidden in a shipment of smoked fish.Mamie claimed she was smuggling it in for religious reasons. OK, the judge didn’t really buy the story but he was overly lenient  because she has 11 kids and is mentally ill.

Psst Where would you even start looking to find monkey meat?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, Friggin Wildlife, Friggin Wrong