Tag Archives: sperm

He Is Your Father

hairA 21 year old woman got the shock of her life when she  discovered that the receptionist at a fertility clinic, where her parents underwent artificial insemination, was her real father. Seems the convicted kidnapper who had been working at the clinic had deliberately switched sperm with her intended “father”.  It is feared that the man may have switched samples with several other male patients and could have fathered numerous children without couples knowing. Unfortunately, the man in question is no longer alive but his mother agreed to a DNA swab which confirmed the girl and parent’s worst fear. The clinic, which was associated with the University of Utah,is no longer operating and there are no remaining records but the Uni is offering genetic testing for anyone who used the clinic from 1988 through 1994.

Want sauce with that?

 

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World

Woman Gets Pregnant in the Mouth!

A Korean’s got my babies!!!!

OMG, step away from the calamari. Evidently a South Korean woman became pregnant in the mouth with 12 baby squid after chomping on a sperm sack. A true octomom. The woman was merrily eating some cooked squid when she felt a pain in her mouth. Later, when she decided to go to the hospital doctors discovered ‘bug-like organisms’ attached to her gums, tongue and cheek. Dear lord. Note to self, make sure when eating calamari to ask if its internal organs have been removed. I don’t want no spermatophores in my mouth thank you very much!!!! Lucky she didn’t swallow!

Of course you want source with that!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, Well I Never

No, Seriously?

No really? OK, maybe Pittsburgh Zoo is a tad impatient waiting for South African officials to ship elephant semen to them, so they can start America’s first elephant sperm bank, but please….”breaking news”?  And anywho, have you seen how big those poor elephants feet are? It’s gonna take them years to get their sperm into those jars with them clodhoppers!

Psst Sorry Bearman, there is no clip art on earth that could do this story justice!!!!!!

Want sauce with that?

5 Comments

Filed under Friggin Hilarious, I'm Just Saying !

That Is Hard To Swallow

Oh dear, when an Albuquerque woman tasted a free yogurt sample at the Sunflower Market she immediately spat it out claiming it tasted like sperm. Sheez, well spotted! The woman was so disgusted she rang police who scooped up the evidence that was still where she had spat it out. The employee was arrested (for unrelated warrants) but won’t be charged until the test results can prove it’s semen. Hmm, so what was the yogurt brand?

Want sauce (pardon the pun) with that?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, Join the skeptic club!, Well I Never

Step Away From The Water Bottle

No need to panic men, but a study in China has revealed that a chemical found in plastic bottles and soda cans can mess with your sperm (and not in a good way). Bisphenol A (or the less scary name BPA) is the culprit and has the ability to lower sperm counts, reduce its quality and result in erectile dysfunction. Dear god! Who needs a one child policy when you have BPA? The chemical can be found in most canned food linings and has been detected in the urine of 90% of the US population. Bullet dodgers (government agencies including the US) however are claiming the tests were done on Chinese factory workers who were exposed to higher levels of the chemical than consumers. Their conclusion…. it’s safe.

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Filed under Friggin Research, I'm Just Saying !, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never

I Hear It’s Good For The Skin?

OMG, one of the biggest problems with going to  a chiropractor is you have to lie on your stomach making it easy for someone to masturbate on your back without knowing. Iowa chiropractor Dan Duffy has been charged after it was alleged he masturbated on a patient during an examination. The victim claims she heard him unzip his pants and then heard the sound of him slapping the salami. Following the ordeal she went to police and had her lower back swabbed and low and behold, chiropractor sperm. The DNA matched Duffy’s but he is adamant he is innocent.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never, Whoops!