Tag Archives: spiders

It’s On

If you happen to be hiking in California you might want to take extra care….it’s tarantula mating season people. Feet up!!! Yep, the hairy, scary arachnids are randy and looking for love. In typical female fashion the lady tarantulas stay at home and weave an enticing web while the boys have to trek across hill and dale to find a willing partner. Unfortunately for the desperate fellas, if they dawdle too long after sex they are more likely than not to be killed and eaten by the ungrateful bitch female. Who would want to be a spider?

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Filed under Friggin Wildlife

Raining Spiders In Brazil

Holy arachnophobia, Spiderman. Seems a bunch of social spiders formed a sheet web and scared the living beejeezus out of local residents in Brazil. Thank goodness they weren’t venomous . Who am I kidding ……RUN!!!!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, Friggin Wildlife

When Spiders Go Wild

Incoming……

Feet up Indian town of Sadiya  you  have a figgin nasty plague of rogue spiders. Two people have died so far, with scores rocking up at hospitals with bites. Locals say the venomous arachnids  are hanging in swarms and are flying at people who so much as stare at them. One victim said a spider leaped, bit and then stayed latched onto him. Experts are not sure what the hell type spider they are dealing with but fear it could be a new improved version of a tarantula, a black wishbone or a funnel-web spider…. none of which are native to the area. Good luck with that!

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Filed under Uncategorized

Cane Toad Problem Solved

The only effective way

I have some good news and I have some bad news. Firstly, there maybe an effective predator to the Cane Toad. Bad news, it’s friggin tarantulas. Feet up everybody! Those hairy arachnids jump the nasty toads when they venture anywhere near their burrows. They have friggin burrows? Queensland spider expert suggests if you want cane toads out of your life adopt spiders, big ones.

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Filed under Friggin Wildlife, I'm Just Saying !

That’s An Infestation Right There

Land ahoy!

OMG, picture this, a ship rocks up in Guam carrying housing units for up to 18,000 temporary workers. As the units are being unloaded hundreds and thousands of spiders, large and small, exit along with the cargo. Everybody panic!!! Authorities immediately demanded the cargo be thrown back on the ship and it, the crew and the friggin spiders ordered to get the hell out of their port. The Agriculture Department haven’t a clue what type of spiders they are but suspect they consist of numerous species.

Psst I bet the crew will be sleeping with one eye open now!

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Filed under Friggin Scary, Friggin Wildlife, Well I Never

Tarantula Safety 101

I'm warning you, piss me off one more time and I'll.....

OK here’s the thing people, do not and I repeat do not piss off your pet tarantula. You get too close to one of those suckers when he’s in a bad mood he’ll friggin blow microscopic hairs into your eyes.Don’t say I didn’t warn you. They can be downright nasty.Don’t believe me? Ask the 29 year old British man who got blasted in the face with a mist of barbed tarantula hairs. He’s still got them stuck in his cornea like weenie spears so fine not even micro surgery could be of any help. Oooh and did I forget to mention they are covered in some noxious chemical which stings like a bitch? Wanna know when your spider is about to blow? The warning sign comes when the arachnid suddenly lifts one of his legs while balancing on the other seven ( bit like when a human is about to fart!). See that, friggin run.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Wildlife, That's Gotta Hurt, Well I Never, Whoops!