Tag Archives: Springfield

And The Darwin Award Goes To

A big shout out to the United Nations firearms instructor from France who accidentally shot himself in the thigh during recertification training at a shooting center in Springfield.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Whoops!

I Hope He Didn’t Spill Any!

Finally a multitasking bank robber, sheez, I was starting to loose faith in humanity. A man in Springfield was seen sipping on a beer whilst running away from a bank he allegedly robbed. Unfortunately the dude’s excellent adventure came to a grinding halt after the red dye pack the teller had slipped into his bag of fake bills went kaboom and covered him in red dye. Police took him back to the bank so a witness could identify him. Doh!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Thanks For Nothing, Whoops!

Don’t Kill In Springfield

Nothing really happens in Springfield, but when they have their first homicide in 5 years it takes them all of seven minutes to solve it. After a witness reported a stabbing on Baltimore Pike, two Delaware cops, who happened to be in the location,  pulled over the suspected Jeep Cherokee and …viola. Not only did they find the suspected killer, Sean Burton, behind the wheel, but also the victim James Stropas slumped beside him. Seven minutes people, seven minutes!

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Filed under Friggin Awesome, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Advertising Space Available

Aaron Jamison doesn’t have long to live, he has terminal cancer. His biggest concern is the financial burden he is going to leave his wife. So Aaron from Springfield, Oregon, has a plan. He wants to sell advertising space on his urn to cover the costs of his funeral. Well I’ll be. So far Dustin Remington owner of Terese’s Place and Greg Byerly who owns Cry Baby Ink have both bought ad space. Bravo.

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Filed under Friggin Awesome, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Tattoo You

Oh for goodness sakes what did you see in him? A Springfield woman called police after her “boyfriend” allegedly carved his name onto her chest. The problem all started when boyfriend, Michael Welliver complained about a tatt she had on her butt, so he grabbed a meat cleaver and gave her an ultimatum, tatt goes or he carves his own. I guess the tatt stayed because Mr Welliver proceeded to sit on her and then used a pocket knife (with a razor blade on the end) to cut “I Luv Mike Welliver” on the upper part of her breast. Hmm, nice! When the job was complete he took photos of his handy work on his cell phone . Definitely a keeper!

Psst Yeah, yeah, I know what your thinking, why did she let him….hmmm, remember the meat cleaver?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, That's Gotta Hurt, Well I Never

Basic Instinct

You know around Springfield, Missouri they sort out parking bay tiffs a little differently.No people, not with a key. A fight over a car parking spot at Chili’s Grill and Bar got pretty ugly when a man was attacked with an ice pick. Yep, the Y gen woman (phew, I  thought it was Marge) was so pissed when another motorist nicked her parking space she allegedly grabbed her pick and stabbed the “car parking space thief” multiple times. Oh and if you were wondering Tonya Harding has an alibi.

Psst The victim is OK but may spring a few leaks!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass, Friggin Scary, Friggin Wrong, That's Gotta Hurt

Mocha!

If you are going to make your coffee naked in the small wee hours of the morning in Springfield, Virginia make sure your curtains are closed otherwise you might get yourself slapped with an indecent exposure charge and face a year in jail. A woman and 7 year old boy, who happened to be walking outside Eric Williamson’s house at the same time he was making his brew starkers, we so horrified at what they saw they called police. Bippity, boppity boo, he was taken away in handcuffs. Geez, at least it wasn’t a long black!

Psst Isn’t that where the Simpsons live? That woman didn’t happen to have blue hair? Doh!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Evolution Be Damned!, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never