Grinch Stabs Frosty

This would not happen on my watch…

Japanese Pop Star Attacked By Crazed Fan

OK, one more time people. When a creepy obsessed fan sends you a gift just send him a simple thank you note and then ring the police ASAP. A Japanese pop singer is fighting for her life after she returned a watch sent to her from a psychotic fan and he turned up at her concert and went crackers. Mayu Tomita was stabbed over 20 times when she didn’t give him a straight answer as to why she returned his present. I’m guessing she was lost for words …. She is now lying unconscious in a Tokyo hospital.

Ouch

What could possibly go wrong testing a ‘stab-proof’ vest? Hmm, might want to ask the journo who ended up receiving stitches after he was knifed in the back during an epic fail. The company boss managed to stab the reporter in the only unprotected part of the vest. Ouch and awks.

Loon Is Back To Hating Clowns

Hell no. A 12 year old girl who stabbed her stepmum to death said a creepy clown called Laughing Jack told her to do it. The girl had told her dad she was hearing voices a few months before the stabbing but 16..yep 16 pyschiatric units refused to take her in. Oh and the state of Indiana declined to place her in medical care DESPITE a court order that stated that hospital placement was the “only option available”.

Sibling Rivalry Problem Solved

Oi, oi, oi, a man in London has been arrested for killing his brother while at the funeral of their other brother. I know, crazy , right? Evidently, the brothers got into a heated argument during the funeral which lead to the younger one being stabbed to death. Sheez, the next funeral  is going to be awkward.

Monopoly Rage Can Be Deadly

Go directly to jail

The one board game I really, really, really hate is Monopoly, so when I heard that a woman had allegedly stabbed her boyfriend because she caught him cheating I had a little empathy for her. OK, not because she went friggin all stabby but because I understand the rage that comes with landing on friggin Mayfair (or in the American version, Boardwalk) and discovering it has 2 friggin hotels on it that aren’t yours. Anywho, I digress, Laura Chavez was arrested for suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon.

Boob Job Saves Russian Woman’s Life

A Russian woman is thanking her lucky stars she got herself a boob job after her hubby plunged a knife into her chest during a domestic and it couldn’t penetrate all that silicon. Doctors conferred that without her big knockers she would have been dead. The unnamed woman got into a fight with her husband and in a fit of anger he picked up a knife and stabbed her in the left boob. The knife failed to reach the heart thanks to her state-of-the-art implants. Oh and added bonus, they didn’t leak either.

Read My Lips

Oh no, two deaf men were knifed at a bar after a female patron thought they were making gang signs at her. Alfred Stewart and his deaf friends were having a good time at the Ocean’s Eleven Sports Lounge and Grill and talking in sign language when a furious Barbara Lee confronted them, accusing them of making gang signs at her. The confused group motioned for her to leave them alone and continued with their conversation. Next thing they know she returns with a juvenile and Marco Ibanez who whips out a knife and starts stabbing. In the end 4 people were hospitalized.

Stabbing Pain

One more time people, when testing a knife proof vest make sure you stab the knife in the vest and not your drunken mate’s friggin unprotected body. The two Swedes were somewhat drunk when they decide to test out the body armor. The first attempt was a great success, the second, not so much. That’s a hospitalization right there!

A Woman’s Scorn

Oh my, a woman in Sydney allegedly laced her ex partner’s soup with sleeping tablets before bounding his hands and feet then chopping off his penis and stabbing him. Xian Peng had just returned from a trip to China when Jian Chen carried out the attack. Mr Peng died later in hospital. No word on what provoked  Chen but usually when the penis goes, another woman is involved.