Tag Archives: steal

Kill Joy Fox Ruins Easter

Take note amateurs, if you are going to hide your candy filled plastic eggs around the yard at night for an Easter egg hunt, please notify your local sweet toothed fox. He obviously didn’t get the MEMO but sends many thanks to the Virginia family for the 30 tasty eggs.

PS Why am I singing Fox on with the runs?

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Filed under Friggin Wildlife

Oh Beehave

As much as I would love this to be true, Donald J Trump did not and, I repeat,  did not steal his inauguration speech from Barry B Benson. Dam it!

trump-bee-movie

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Filed under Friggin Hilarious

Steal On Wheels

A British thief came up with a unique way to shoplift …pretend to be in a wheelchair. Unfortunately, she didn’t count on CCTV footage filming her miraculously getting up from her chair and stuffing items up her coat. Despite the footage she and her accomplice rolled out of the Marks and Spencers food store.

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Filed under Friggin Hilarious

Job Application Fail

criminalOK, one more time anyone looking for work, please don’t steal from the tip jar when applying for a job, even if it is only 15 bucks, because you’ll end up with a $500 fine and a whole lotta trust issues.

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Filed under They Live Among Us !, Well I Never

Busted Cinderfella

Thief leaves his slippers behindOh for crying out loud mister , if you are going to steal 4.2 gallons of honey, don’t be leaving your friggin slippers at the scene. Sheez, of course the police dog is gonna sniff you out. Didn’t help that you live in the same apartment building, now did it?  Hmm, now it’s gonna be a bit awkward in the elevator!!!!

Psst Russia

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Filed under Friggin Dumbass, Well I Never

My Keyboard is a Wonderland

Woohoo, thank you burglars!!!

OK, here’s the thing, if you continue to play your Yamaha 250 keyboard  “like a cathedral” for your “own personal enjoyment,” expect it to be stolen by some “skinny white males,” one of whom was possibly missing teeth. The victim told police he believes the thieves probably targeted the keyboard because they got sick of hearing him play it. The only other thing taken was a Seiko watch.

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Filed under Friggin Hilarious

Couple Steal Cop Car For A Quickie

Oh for the love of sex, stealing a police car for a quickie is going to get you a grand theft auto charge. Alexander Pratt and Clara Pearson were at a Florida convenience store when they noticed a Honda Civic left running by plainclothes detectives, so they hopped in and took off hoping to have sex in it. Unfortunately the randy pair were pulled over a short time later. Hmm, how frustrating!!!

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Filed under Friggin Hilarious, Whoops!

Parade Floats Are Great For Scrap

Seriously, if you are going to steal an air conditioner, hot water heater , refrigerator and fan from some poor dude, don’t be going back the next day and stealing his friggin holiday parade float for goodness sakes, that’s just damn greedy. The trailer was about to be used for a holiday parade by the Circle of Friends Ministry. Anthony Wyatt from Florida told police he was selling the items for scrap.

Psst How did he steal a float and not be seen?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

The Art of Stealing

The first rule of stealing, don’t jokingly tell a woman you are going to break into her house and steal her TV, then actually do it!  Seems you instantly become the go-to man for police!  Authorities are still investigating

Want sauce with that?

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Filed under Whoops!

Mean Girl

Oh for crying out loud, Lindsay Lohan just can’t seem to stay out of trouble. Damn silly billy has got herself a “felony grand theft” charge for allegedly nicking a $2,500 exclusive necklace from a Venice  jewelry store. Sheez and she would have got away with it too if she hadn’t been friggin snapped by the paparazzi wearing the one off design. During the hearing Lindsay was warned not to contact the store during the case as the flowers she someone sent  freaked them the hell out. If found guilty she could get up to 3 years in a state prison. Bail was set at $40,000.  Boy, is she going to have something to tell the grandkids….oh wait, isn’t she a lesbian…ah never mind!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never