Pure Gold

This is no way to get through life son. An ex Royal Canadian Mint employee will be spending 30 months in prison after he went to all the effort of shoving 22 pieces of their refined gold up his butt to sell on the market. Despite dodging security cameras he was eventually caught and now will have the awkward prob of telling inmates what he’s in for.

It Was An Emergency

A woman who missed the last bus for the night wasn’t going to be left stranded. No friggin way. She jumped into an ambulance, that had been left running outside a hospital while the driver attended a patient, and took off. Of course she didn’t get far, of course she had a suspended driver license, of course she was from Ohio (home of  friggin Bearman).

A Frozen Chicken Story

OK, what is disturbing about this story isn’t the fact a 67 year old guy breaks in and steals 3 boxes of frozen chicken from a fast food restaurant and makes his getaway on a bike. Nope, it’s the fact when he was caught the boxes of frozen chicken were recovered and returned. Returned loons, returned!!!!!

PSST Jackson, Mississippi

Marijuana Shocker

Getting busted growing $2 million worth of marijuana, dumbass. Getting caught stealing every ones electricity to grow it….priceless.

Want source with that?

Anyone Seen a Leg?

Attention people of Los Angeles, if you come across a human leg could you please give the organ transportation company a buzz, thanks. Seems the donated leg got stolen from an unmarked tissue transport van while the employess were having a bite at a cafe…wait what? Yep, evidently they were hungry. The leg was in a cooler in the van and authorities believe the thief is gonna get a nasty surprise when he opens it. I’m assuming the donor’s family weren’t impressed.

Bad Balls

If you are going to steal antiquities don’t be stealing no Roman projectile stones. Just saying. Some thief who had nicked the 2,000 year old ballista balls from the ancient city of Gamla in 1995 learnt the hard way. Evidently, for 20 years he has suffered nothing but grief from the damn things, so much so he sent them back from whence they came with a little note attached, declaring ‘Please, do not steal antiquities, they have brought me nothing but bad luck.’

No Bull

Attention good folks of Minnesota, if you happen across a “milk jug” looking cannister please don’t pour over your breakfast cereal. Seems the cannister contains $70,000 worth of bull semen which went missing from an unlocked barn. Just so you know.

Black Market For All Your Dental Needs

Some dudes were arrested for stealing thousands of dollars worth of Crest tooth-whitening strips… and no, they weren’t the Osmond’s kids. The guys were stealing the strips from mostly Target and Wal Mart stores with the intent of sell them on the black market to people with stained teeth. With that line of thinking why not just go get a job?

PSST It is going to be awfully embarrassing when the inmates ask them what they are in for …just saying.

 

A Bridge Too Far

Stop looking people the bridge has been found. Yep, the 2.5 ton wood and steel bridge that kapoofed from a property in Detroit has been found, I repeat, has been found. The structure was discovered some 30 miles away. Police still have no idea who stole it or why. Oh well, the owner will just have to get over it.

No Bull

Attention good people of Virginia please be on the look out for 10 containers of bull semen. Evidently, they were stolen from a farm and if they thaw out they will be friggin useless.