Tag Archives: surrey

There Is A God!

Hey, want to know how to get more people going to church? Just hire a good looking, blonde vicar and voila. Twenty nine year old Reverend Stephanie Nadarajah has got the pews packed after word spread of her new position at St Mary the Virgin Church in Caterham, Surrey.The ex nurse has already doubled the attendance from 75 to 150 but I’m guessing most of them are probably eligible bachelors.

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Filed under Friggin Hilarious, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Theme Park Takes The Piss

That should do it!

OMG,  Thorpe’s theme park in Surrey is taking the piss, literally. They want people to submit a urine sample, yes that’s right, they want your widdle so they can find UK’s most pungent smelling wee for a brand new attraction, SAW Alive. If you happen to have the most stinking piss they will give you £500 and recreate your stench for the horror maze. Lineup, line up, line up. Laura Sinclair,Thorpe Park’s entertainments manager, will be the lucky little soul who will choose the grossest piss for the park “We’ve begun creating some of the stenches of SAW Alive but need the help of the public to create the most realistic and unsavoury urine odour. We are looking for a sample that will really get the public gagging.” Well loons, any volunteers?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, Well I Never

A Man’s Home Is His Castle

OMG, a Surrey farmer who  secretly built a castle on his property and used hay bales to hide it from the damn local planning authority, because they denied the original building permit, has been ordered to pull it down. For 4 years Robert Fidler managed to hide it from local authorities. But in a stupid move he removed the bales thinking the castle was now immune from planning enforcement controls.Wrong! The council claims that the straw bales were part of the building works and has won a high court appeal to force Mr Fidler to pull down his home.Tell them their dreaming! Hmm, wanna see what it looked like when it was hidden? Click here The Sun.

Psst I hope they suffer in their jocks!

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Filed under I'm Just Saying !, Sore Loser, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never, Whoops!

The first sighting of Jesus in 2010

Plumber David Howlett was enjoying a meal at India Dining in Esher, Surrey when he noticed something peculiar about his naan bread, it appeared someone was staring back at him. Hmm n closer investigation that someone was Jesus ‘I spotted Jesus looking back at me. It was one eerie experience given how close we were to Christmas.’

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Filed under Friggin Hilarious, I'm Just Saying !, Join the skeptic club!, Well I Never

Celebrity Albino Squirrel Dies In freak Car Accident

Celebrity albino squirrel hit by car and dies

RIP little white squirrel!

Look away animal lovers we have a roadkill story. Celebrity albino squirrel Snowny aka Percy or Albi has been run down and not in a good way. Flat as a tack. For 5 years the local children and animal lovers have been enchanted by the white rodent but now they can only mourn his passing at a shrine the Surrey townsfolk have set up in honor of the snow white squirrel. Hmm, and if you want to send your condolences a Facebook page has been set up too! Lou Gardey was the first on the scene after the accident and arranged for the little tyke to be buried in the churchyard. Locals say his passing is like a little light has gone out. Locals are planning to have a plaque put up in his honor. Bless.

Psst I bet the person who hit him feels like a heal!

2nd Psst Geez, how many RIP albino squirrel Facebook groups are there? Get some road sense little guys!

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Filed under End Credit, Friggin Wildlife, Thanks For Nothing, Whoops!

Say NO to BO

Arms up or down I still stink to high heavens!

Arms up or down I still stink to high heavens!

Oh it’s about time Nanny State, yes ban all visitors from raising their arms while riding the rollercoasters, brilliant! Thorpe Park in Chertsey, Surrey, wants rollercoaster riders to keep their arms down because of the foul stench of body odor emulating from the armpits of some. Hmm,  seems some people have been complaining to management about the ungodly stench of some theme parkers. Mike Vallis, a park director said “Our rides are really scary and people tend to sweat more than normal due to the fear and anticipation they experience while queueing up so it can get really pongy.” The ban will be put in place when the temperatures exceed 77F (25C) and people who don’t follow this rule will be asked to leave the park.

Psst If you can smell the person’s stench whilst on a rollercoaster it ain’t scary enough.

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Filed under Friggin Gross, Friggin Nanny State, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never

Friggin 5 O’Clock Shadow

Woman suing fter she grew  beardHoly hair removers Batman, a woman from British Columbia is seeking $25,000 in damages after she grew a beard following laser hair removal procedure. Rina Jagpal says she went to Laser Era in Surrey to remove “peach fuzz” from her face and after a few sessions she noticed friggin thick hair growing. She is now forced to wax it every 3rd day. Bummer. She has also named in her claim, Dream Laser and Skin Care, because Jagpal followed the laser techincian from the original salon to others.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, How Embarrassing, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never