Tag Archives: switzerland

Old Dog Day Afternoon

Oh for crying out loud mister, why would you bother robbing a bank in Switzerland at 80? Seriously, just go home, put your feet up and leave it to the young and dumb. The masked geriatric made his getaway on foot but was soon apprehended. I feel I need to slap my forehead.


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World

Two Trains Stolen In Switzerland

Attention loons , if you happen to come across two stolen trains from a minature train park in your travels, could you let the Swiss Vapeur Park know. Thanks! The owners are at a loss as to how the thieves managed to steal the petrol and steam trains, as one weighs almost a tonne. Hmm, I’m at a loss at why anyone would bother. Oh well!!!


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Son Kamakazes His Mom’s Home…. With Her In It

Oh for crying out loud Konrad Schmidt from Switzerland, kamikazing your mother’s home in an attempt to kill her only works if she isn’t in the basement at the time. Schmidt, who had been estranged from his mother, rang her from the cockpit of a hired light aircraft to ask ‘Are you home? I am just going to drop by.’ He then proceeded to circle her house a few times to line up the plane before flying at high speed straight into the building or as a witness nicely put it, he did  a “mini 9/11”.  Luckily for his mom she was in the basement and missed the whole fireball. Mom 1, son 0!


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Large Hadron Collider = Earthquakes?????

Call me cynical but guess what they cranked up again, days before the Christchurch and Japanese earthquakes? Hmm, if you said the Large Hadron Collider you’d be right. At the beginning of March, following a 10 week winter shutdown, the scientists  in Switzerland restarted  the particle smashing machine (aka big bang theory machine) deep in a ring shaped tunnel under the Swiss mountains. As I recall when this happened last year we had the Haiti and Chile earthquakes. Coincidence? I think not!

Want sauce with that?


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Start Learning To Pluck Those Banjos Switzerland

Wow, Switzerland are currently proposing to decriminalize incest. Yep, you heard right. If a parent wants to sleep with his or her adult child or siblings want to get down and dirty with each other, who is the Swiss government to stand in their way.  A spokesperson for the Justice Department said “Incest continues to be a taboo in our society, but it’s not up to criminal law to stop every morally reprehensible aspect of behavior.” Dear god, just what the world needs, friggin inbreeding. Good luck with that!


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Roman Polanski A Free Man

Oh my, seems Roman Polanski just got his get out of jail free card after Switzerland announced they weren’t sending the disgraced director back to the US because of a boo-boo in the American application for extradition. Evidently the judge in the 1977 case has assured Polanski that the time he spent in a psychiatric unit would be adequate time served for the sexual assault of the 13 year old girl.When the Swiss Justice Ministry was denied a request to view records of a hearing verifying this claim they rejected the extradition request. Now Mr Polanski can return to France a free man and the whole child rape case can be swept back under that “special treatment” Hollywood rug for good.


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never, Whoops!

That Sinking Feeling

Who would have thought a bouncy castle fair in Ibach, Switzerland, would cause controversy? Well, if you are gonna have a Titanic bouncy castle where kids slide down the decks, you might just upset a few people, like say Switzerland’s Titanic Club. The 40ft slide, which depicts the Titanic in it’s most recognized pose, keel up about to sink into the sea, is designed for little snowflakes to slide down it’s decks. Hmm, not surprising some people have a problem with that, especially considering 1,527 passengers died when the unsinkable sank on its maiden voyage in 1912. A few of the visitors described it as sick, insensitive and a bouncy graveyard but it seems the kiddies were having a blast.

Psst Hmm, now sick and insensitive would be if they played Celine Dion’s song on loop!


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Whoops!

Getting Father’s Affairs In Order!

Coming, ready or not!

OMG, poor Angelo De Luca (81) fell out of a plum tree in Biasca, Switzerland but when he came out of his coma 4 days later he was a sex mad lust machine. As soon as he was out of hospital he blew $5,200 at a brothel in one friggin session on a prostitute young enough to be his granddaughter. “That woman preyed upon my father like he was a Christmas goose,” said Mr Luca’s son who now has taken control of his dad’s houses and bank accounts. Hmm and wait, there’s more, the family plan to sue the hospital for negligence.

Psst Sheez, I hope there is an epidemic of elderly men jumping out of plum trees!


Filed under Friggin Scary, I'm Just Saying !, Whoops!

Evil Clown For Hire

Hidy ho!

Holy Stephen King Batman, the latest “must have” at children’s birthday parties in Switzerland is a friggin scary clown.Oh lordie, lordie, I kid you not! Look away Jammers, look away! The idea was the brainchild of actor Dominic Deville, who set up the Evil Clown service in Lucerne after being inspired by horror movies. Yes, that’s right parents, for a pretty penny you can hire him to scare the crap out of your little snowflakes, but be warned, book early, he’s hell popular. Here’s a little of what to expect… Each party usually starts off with Deville contacting the birthday boy girl or boy and telling them they are being watched (nice mood setter). He then sends them taunting text messages and a few booby trapped letters telling them to be afraid because at some time he’s going to suddenly appear and smash a birthday cake into their face. By that stage I’d be wanting my lolly bag and my mommy to get me the hell out of there! Friggin evil clowns, sheez!

Psst If my parents ever tried this when I was a kid I would have sued their friggin asses off (after years of therapy of course).


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, Well I Never

Swiss Jihad

Well, well, well, Switzerland may not be able to hide under it’s neutrality policy  much longer after Colonel Gaddafi called it a infidel state and declared a jihad. Oh dear, Switzerland and the Gaddafi family have had a strained relationship ever since one of the Colonel’s sons, Hannibal, was arrested in a Geneva hotel and charged with assaulting a member of his staff. It also didn’t help when they banned the construction of minarets in Switzerland. Gaddafi said “Any Muslim in any part of the world who works with Switzerland is an apostate, is against (the Prophet) Mohammad, and God and the Koran,” Hmm, move over Rushdie you might have company!


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, I'm Just Saying !, They Live Among Us !, Whoops!