Attention all crooks in Sweden, if you plan to commit a crime, make sure you don’t leave a friggin pile of poop at the scene for the police to later DNA and link to you. Two robbers, who broke into a farm, tied up the owner and made off with money and a car now regret having taken a crap before setting the car alight. Tsk, tsk, I hope they wiped their bums!
Damn these terrorists!
Gosh and I thought I was paranoid, a woman in Orland rang the sheriff’s office requesting a deputy come pick up a bag of vomit. She told the dispatcher she believed terrorists may have put chemicals in her food so she upchucked so it could be tested. Better safe than sorry right? Anywho, she was told to basically piss off and get some other sucker to test the vomit.
Look, we just want you to wear it as a safety precaution!
Holy friggin Silkwood Batman. No need for panic just yet, but a Savannah River Site worker, who accidentally pricked his finger on some waste materials, is being tested for internal radioactive contamination. OK, the scare meter has just gone into red. Evidently the man had been working with waste, contaminated with radionuclides, when his finger was punctured by something in the muck.Despite medics closing the wound, the poor victim won’t know for several weeks , if or by how much, he’s been contaminated. Oh dear, I am guessing the wife will be sleeping in the spare room until then!
Psst Hmm, wouldn’t he glow in the dark?
OK boys, it probably sounded like a good idea at the time but building a friggin homemade locomotive out of crap such as garden furniture and then taking it for a spin on the Erfut railway lines in Germany…dumbassiness. The six dudes had even included a makeshift refreshment bar (OK a beer crate) for their little adventure. Unfortunately a few horrified locals who saw the unusual loco, rang police and you pretty much know the rest, helicopter, police, railway alerts, friggin panic. Hmm, luckily the rail buffs had already done their research and had chosen a time when there were no scheduled trains running. Might help them when they face court.
Toot, toot, all aboard!