Going, Going, Gone

A Woman is friggin lucky to be alive after she and her car plunged 7 storeys from a parking garage. Whoopsie daisy. They do it big in Texas.

How Would You Like It?

Things are definitely bigger in Texas . A Texan company was forced to recall its coffee after complaints it was giving men erections. Complaints? Seems the coffee contained desmethyl carbodenafil which has a similar effect as Viagra.

IOU

If you were getting money out of an ATM and a note reading “Please help me I am stuck inside the machine” came out the receipt slot what would you do? Well if you were in Texas, you would ignore it. Some poor ATM repair man was frantically writing notes after accidentally locking himself inside the machine but people were ignoring them because they thought it was some sort of prank.

Batman Found The Joker

Either the Texas police have employed a superhero or the dude who arrested a shoplifter isn’t really Batman. Personally, I don’t know who was more embarrassed, the police officer dressed as Batman or the poor sucker who got arrested by him? Ironically  the WalMart thief approached Batman for a selfie (blahahahahaha)  but was soon busted for being in possession of stolen DVDs (including The Lego Batman Movie). One to tell the grand kids fool.

PSST : Wouldn’t it be cool if all of the police dressed as superheroes…just saying.

Might Want To Avoid Texas

No Need to panic Dallas  …. EBOLAAAAAAAAAAAA

Meatball Pizza

Note to self, never , ever order a pizza close to closing time in Texas. A disgruntled employee at a Papa Murphy’s restaurant allegedly rubbed his testicles over a customer’s family sized Canadian bacon, pineapple, extra cheese pizza because he was peeved that the customer ordered too close to closing time . Urgh, hate to think how the customer found out….

Now Do You Believe?

Guess what happens when you preach against having your children vaccinated? Hmm, a massive outbreak of one of the most contagious diseases in the world ,measles, that’s what. Oh and just to add insult to irony the outbreak started at a megachurch in Texas where they question the benefits of immunization.

Silly, Silly, Burglars

Of all the idiotic things to do. Three men decided to burgle a house in Texas (their first mistake).  When they were confronted by the home owner they locked him a closet . …. the gun friggin closet. It wasn’t long before the owner came out with his guns a-blazing. Run burglars , run.  Needless to say they fled… with a few additional puncture wounds, of course. Oh the humanity.

That’s One Way To Stop Crime

Don’t mess with Texas Walmart employees, they’ll run you down with their car if they suspect you of shoplifting,  just ask Dominique Mason, a high school senior. Mason was contemplating nicking a few DVDs and video games when he had a change of heart and left the store. Unbeknownst to him he was being watched by a savvy employee who didn’t notice that Mason had returned the items. As Mason walked down the street a car came up behind him and kaboom, he rolled onto the hood and thudded to the ground. Next thing he knows is he’s face to face with the “takes his job way too seriously” Walmart employee who told him he was to never to return to the store again.  And that my friends is how they do it in Texas.

Want sauce with that?

Jesus On A Bacon and Egg Taco

The month wouldn’t be complete without Jesus appearing somewhere in the world. Introducing Jesus on a bacon and egg taco.  80 year old Texas man, Ernesto Garza, who discovered the holy meal nearly didn’t.  He was enjoying the taco so much he nearly ate him. But as luck would have it, Ernesto saw Jesus at the last minute and now he has him frozen in the freezer while he works out how he is going to frame the holy taco and put it on his wall.

Psst Looks more like the cowardly lion from Wizard of Oz.