Tag Archives: tooth fairy

When the Tooth Fairy Goes Postal

A kid from Philly got a nasty letter from the “The Offices of Tooth and Fairy, LLC — Tooth Adjusters,” re- payment of fourth molar.
Here it is in full.

“Dear Elliott,

Thank you for the return of your fourth molar. Here is payment upon receipt, the agreed-upon sum of $5.00 (five American dollars).

By leaving your tooth out for one of our Tooth Adjusters, you, the toothee, have entered into a contractual obligation to perform measured work, herein known as Chores. Please see the attached addendum for an updated list of these chores.

We have been notified by your Parental units that these obligations have frequently gone uncompleted, and often have to be requested multiple times before they are, in fact, done. If these obligations are not fully completed, without demand, in the specified time frame (every day after school or camp), we will have no recourse but to repossess all of your remaining teeth, by force if necessary, with no repayment to you.

The most comfortable solution for all three parties involved (Tooth Adjusters, Toothee, and Parental Units) is for you, the toothee, to do your Chores as expected, on time, every day. Do not make us come and take your teeth.

Warm regards,

The Offices of Tooth and Fairy, LLC — Tooth Adjusters”

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Filed under Friggin Awesome, Friggin Hilarious

Cashed Up Tooth Fairy

Tooth fairy increases ratesGood news little snowflakes it seems the tooth fairy is dishing out on average $3.70 per tooth, up 40% from 2011. So that’s like 20 x 3.70, which equals 74 bucks the set. Not bad.

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Filed under Well I Never, You Go Girl!

All He Wants For Christmas Is Her Two Front Teeth

So, tell me where did you get those two new teeth from?

Hey lady, what nice teeth you have? All the better to punch your friggin lights outs and steal them! Elena Aronson from Berkeley was riding on a Muni bus when a crazy dude sat next to her staring and muttering things about how beautiful her teeth were… “like the moon and the stars”. Aronson soon decided she’d had enough of his crap and got off the bus only to find herself a few minutes later being picked up off the pavement minus her two front teeth. Story gets a tad worse, by the time her memory of the incident came back (few weeks) police weren’t taking her story too seriously. Crazy deranged man 1, Lady with dentures 0.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, Sore Loser, Thanks For Nothing, That's Gotta Hurt, Well I Never