Tag Archives: Toronto

RIP Conrad

raccoonWhen the council failed to remove a dead raccoon from a Toronto street, there was only one thing to do…build a shrine to the little fellow. A rose and a sympathy card were soon followed by candles, flowers and even a framed photo of a raccoon. Locals named the deceased critter Conrad and tweeted the memorial.

PSST Conrad was eventually taken to his final resting place by an animal services worker near midnight.

raccoon_2

9 Comments

Filed under End Credit, Friggin Wildlife

Not So Safe

Man stuck in safe after a dareOh for the love of stupidity, a man who was partying in a vacant store in Toronto got himself stuck in a safe after he was dared to get in it.  He was eventually cut out after firefighters were called. Yes, he was drunk, eh.

13 Comments

Filed under Friggin Hilarious, How Embarrassing, Whoops!

Where’s My chips?

Where's my Ruffles?

Egads, a prisoner at a Toronto jail killed another inmate by stomping on his head because he stole and ate half his bag of Ruffles potato chips . He then later told other inmates “Nobody punks me off for a bag of chips.”

13 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never, Whoops!

Gay Penguins Separated

Oh my,two gay African penguins in the Toronto zoo are being separated during mating season because the girl penguins are getting rather frustrated. The zoo will only put the inseparable Pedro and Buddy back together when they have done the deed with the women. Hmm, that could take awhile! The penguins are part of an endangered species breeding program, which could end up being an epic fail if the guys don’t man-up!

3 Comments

Filed under Friggin Hilarious, Well I Never

Dude, you can’t sue a Santa parade

OK, maybe you can. A Toronto man wants $500,000 after some clown threw a frozen miniature candy bar into a crowd and hit him in the eye. The man now claims he suffers blurred vision and has developed Bell’s palsy. The unidentified clown, the parade organizers and the board have all been named in the lawsuit. Hmm, who the hell has friggin clowns at a Santa parade?

3 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, That's Gotta Hurt, Well I Never, Whoops!

Retail Rage After Closing Eaton Centre During G20

We are the Toronto public and we want to shop. OMG, he’s probably someone’s dad.

7 Comments

Filed under Friggin Hilarious, You Go Girl!

What’s Worse Than Getting Arrested In Toronto?

OK Loons, so as to avoid mentioning England’s really, really bad defeat in the World Cup you’ll be pleased to know that the arrest tally for the G20 Summit in Toronto is 500 and rising. See, there is something worse than going down 4-1 to Germany, right?

Psst Wow, did anyone notice that the ball went over the goal line ?

1 Comment

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Whoops!

Little Squirts and Big Shits

You know what I hate? When a Toronto gang use squirt bottles filled with feces to rob people. I really friggin hate that. The gang usually strikes ATM customers after they have just finished withdrawing money.Gross. Here’s how they do it, first, one gang member approaches the victim and sprays them with the feces (believed to be human) then a second gang member approaches to offer assistance to the appalled victim by holding their jacket or purse while they clean themselves. Both then flee with the items. Hmm, sounds like a lot of hard work to me, buy a friggin gun!

8 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, Well I Never

Dumbass Raptor Fail

Remember that friggin dumbass  Raptor mascot who ate the cheerleader? Well he’s back and he’s still a dumbass.

6 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass, Friggin Hilarious, Whoops!

Make Sure You Wash Your Hands

Hmm, that should be cool for Valentines Day!

Ever thought of having sex in  restaurant toilet? Me neither. But Mildred’s Temple Kitchen in Toronto think their customers just might and are offering unisex bathrooms for a little hanky panky during courses. Don’t even ask where they came up with the idea, I don’t think I want to know. But they would like to think you would add it to your “101 places to have sex before you die.” list. As for the hygienic and health issues, they say “As far as bodily fluids, it’s pretty much similar to the other human functions going on in there,” and besides they have a maid come in on the weekends to clean up. Oh and BTW you have to BYO your own condoms. Thanks for asking. Geez, I hope they set one toilet aside for people who really just want to go, otherwise they could be crossing their legs for an awfully long time….or not.

Psst I hear George Michael…ah never mind!

2 Comments

Filed under Friggin Gross, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never