Tag Archives: Tortoise

It’s Over, Pack Up Your Shell and Get The Hell Out …. NOW!!!!

She just doesn’t get me!

After 115 years together Bibi and Poldi are calling it quits. In fact they can’t stand the sight of each other and are now sharing separate beds. Zookeepers at an Austrian zoo don’t know what the hell happened between the two giant tortoises  but the romance is definitely over. Female Bibi has gone on a full offensive chomping off Poldi’s shell and launching surprise attacks forcing him to retreat into a neutral corner.

Hmm, I can tell you what happened, she got sick and tired of picking up after him and  having to continually put up with his same old slow, boring sex.


Filed under Friggin Wildlife

Mistaken Identity

And they thought we were slow!

Just a quick community service announcement to the people of Cleveland , you know Mary, that 100 year old tortoise at the zoo? Yeah well it is really a male, so from now on can you call him Terry, thanks!

Psst The 400lb tortoise arrived at the zoo in 1955 for goodness sakes, didn’t anyone bother to have a look see?


Filed under Friggin Hilarious, Friggin Wildlife, Whoops!