Move Over Judge Judy

You know a crim has got up the nose of a judge when she calls him “a c**t ”. Yep, the racist thug started his tirade from the docks by calling Judge Lynch “a bit of a c**t” so she retorted with “You are a bit of a c**t  yourself”. He then yelled back “Go f**k yourself.” Her response? “You too,”. Priceless.

David Lynch Would Be Proud

If you happen to  live in Huddersfield in the UK and are missing an ear, the police may want a word. Evidently it was bitten off during a rumble last night and no one has come forward to claim it. If you aren’t sure its yours , the ear also has a diamond stud still attached. Police advise the earless dude to seek medical help.

Joan Rivers Arrested

Joan Rivers was arrested in the UK after being mistaken for an illegal immigrant.  Balaclava-clad UK Border Agency officials swooped on the comedian, her daughter and film crew who were enjoying a fishing trip off the coast of Kent, after they suspected they were trying to enter Britain illegally.

 

You Sexted Your Entire Address Book?

A word of warning to those of you who like sexting. Be very careful not to fat finger it to everyone in your phone address book, because that’s a jailing right there. A swimming coach in the UK found himself facing 18 months jail after he inadvertently sent a message, intended for his girlfriend (asking for sex “skin on skin”), to everyone on his Blackberry smartphone including family, friends and two girls aged 13 and 14. The fact he sent the message to two minors saw him face court, as it wasn’t clear who the message was intended for. Luckily for him he was granted an appeal and the judge suspended his sentence .

Honey, You Have Something in Your Hair

Oh my, an Amusement Park in the UK, has decided to breathalyser all riders after an increase in upchucking. Wait for these frightening stats. Evidently in the past 7 days there has been a 250% increase in rides being shutdown due to projectile vomit incidents (mainly from drunk or hungover students).  Dear lord, pass me the gloves and a bucket of sand. Gross.

Number 1 Reason For Parental Lock Out System

A 13 year old boy who became obsessed with surfing the net looking for porn has found himself on the sex offender register. Hmm well son, did no one tell you kiddy porn is wrong?

Want sauce with that?

Lucky Britain

Just a house warming present

Guess who wants to come and live in England with her five kids and meet the Royal family? Amal Abdulfattah al-Sadah, that’s who! Come on, you know her loons,  think? It’s Osama Bin Laden’s missus, the one that took a bullet trying to save him from the navy seals. She’s been booted out of Pakistan and wants to claim asylum in Britain because basically the rest of the world don’t want her. Her brother said “She wants to live a peaceful life now. I will convince Amal that she must stop contacts with al-Qaeda.” A cup of tea, love?

Want sauce with that?

Body Left To Rot

Oh no, a UK family is understandably distraught  after the body of David Gardner was allegedly left to rot on a table in a hospital morgue for nearly a week because it was too large to fit into a mortuary fridge. The family were unable to say their goodbyes as the body had decomposed prior to the funeral . An investigation is currently underway.

Reindeer in a Can Sold Out

Get your reindeer pate here!!

OK, here’s the thing animal rights protestors outraged over the sale of cans of reindeer pate, try not making a big  who-ha about it because now they have all friggin sold out! Vegetarians International Voice for Animals launched a scathing campaign against the UK department store Harvey Nichols for selling one of the most popular symbols of Christmas as a food product. They were particularly disgusted at the packaging which claimed the contents are a  “farm-raised relative of Rudolph” Result? It has now become the must have item for Christmas.

Bottle of Botulism

Egads, step way from the Loyd Grossman Korma sauce people, it contains botulism. Two children are currently in a UK hospital being treated for the nasty bacteria after eating mom’s meal.