Did Someone Say Ebola?

No need for alarm but the world is facing the spread of the world’s deadliest virus, Ebola. The outbreak, which started in Guinea, has now spread to Sierra Leone and Liberia and the UN are freaking. AND we know when they freak there are bound to be strongly worded letters flying around the office desk. What is making the situation worse is that no one is monitoring the sick or more importantly those who have come in contact with the sick. Ebola is highly contagious, has no cure and 90% of those who become infected die. Even when the victim dies the virus is still contagious. The greatest fear is that the virus will spread across countries and continents. You watch, someone is going to make a killing selling Ebola proof suits.

Attention, Special Delivery for the UN

Oh shit!!!

Whoopsie, some Mexican drug cartel’s head is going to roll . Yep, a fool stuffed 16kg of cocaine, worth $2 million, into two fake United Nations bags without an address (or return address) and sent it to Ohio. DHL’s delivery center then promptly sent the bags to the UN headquarters in New York. A spokesman for DHL said “It is my understanding that because there was no addressee, the DHL just thought well that’s the UN symbol so we should ship it on to UN headquarters and let them figure out who it was supposed to go to,”. Hmm, the UN must of got a nice surprise. Now they can send a strongly worded letter to Mexico drug lords.

And The Darwin Award Goes To

A big shout out to the United Nations firearms instructor from France who accidentally shot himself in the thigh during recertification training at a shooting center in Springfield.

Well That Ends Kim Jong Il’s Dance Lessons

How the hell can I star in Chorus Line now?

Oh for crying out loud Italy, why deny the second happiest country in the world tap shoes? Seems the Italians have blocked a ship carrying high quality tap shoes from China to North Korea. That’s a breach of United Nation’s ban on sale of luxury goods to the despot Pyongyang, right there!!!.

Hang On We Didn’t Do That!!!!

Oh my, Gdaffy has been rumored to have ordered his army to round up all the bodies his troops have killed and plonk them at the sites of allied air strikes to create the illusion of mass civilian casualties. Sneaky! The international coalition headed by the United Nations have stated they have been very careful about not targeting civilians during their missions. The US Defence Secretary says Libyan leader Gdaffy is planting bodies  “of the people he’s killed”  to cover up his dastardly deeds and so he can  of blame the deaths on the allies.

We Now Have An Alien Spokeswoman

No, you have to go speak to the UN, OK?

You have got to be kidding me, the United Nations have appointed a Malaysian astrophysicist, Mazlan Othman, to be the first contact for aliens if they happen to drop by Earth anytime soon. Seems Mazlan is the head of the UN’s Office for Outer Space Affairs (UNOOSA). She believes contact with aliens is imminent and the UN is ideally set up for  meet and greets with alternative lifeforms (well, they have been successful to some extent with Imadinnerjacket). Anywho, Professor Richard Crowther, an expert in space law and governance at the UK Space Agency, says Othman is absolutely the nearest thing we have to a ‘take me to your leader’ person. Hello, what about friggin NASA?????

United Nations Have Lost The Plot

Oooh goodie!

This is either reverse psychology by the United Nations or it’s a friggin typo. Guess who has a four year seat on the U.N.’s Commission on the Status of Women? Come on, have a wild stab! Iran people, Iran. WTF! Evidently if you read right down deep on the latest U.N. press release, you’ll find it. They, with 10 other nations were “elected by acclamation” (no open vote). Terrific. I guess it will save them on paperwork… who needs to send them a harsh letter condemning their stoning and lashing of women, when they can just slip them a note at one of their get togethers. Hmm, I wonder if anyone will raise the issue of boobquake? You know,where the senior clerics believe earthquakes  are caused by women who wear revealing clothing. Anywho, while everyone is left scratching their heads in wonderment a group of Iranian activists sent a petition to the United Nations saying in part “women lack the ability to choose their husbands, have no independent right to education after marriage, no right to divorce, no right to child custody, have no protection from violent treatment in public spaces, are restricted by quotas for women’s admission at universities, and are arrested, beaten, and imprisoned for peacefully seeking change of such laws.” I’d love to be a fly on the wall of their first meeting!

Friggin Asteroids

Ignore it and it will go away!

Holy flamin asteroids Batman. Dear god, forget about the financial mess the world is in, we have more pressing problems, friggin asteroids (as if we don’t have enough to worry about). Scientists have told the UN delegations in Vienna that, despite it being a relatively slight risk of an asteroid collision, it would have devastating consequences and we need to act now. They also threw in, for good measure (and fear of course), the fact that 65 million years ago the dinos and just about everything else that had a heartbeat was annihilated the last time a whopping asteroid came to town. So what do the scientists want? Hmm, they are pushing for an international network to be set up to search the skies for potential incomings.The network would be responsible for sending up spacecraft to destroy or at least deflect any big chunk of flying rock coming our way. I swear I saw Bruce Willis in a similar plot line. Well, I guess the scientists might have to wait a while, as the United Nations are pretty busy with their billion dollar UN Headquarters refurbishment project and their big friggin $23 million ceiling mural. Did I mention the people starving in Africa? Ha, the UN didn’t either!I can’t imagine the clunky old space shuttles would be of any use shooting down asteroids.Maybe they should just put a rocket launcher on the International Space Station and be happy with that! George Bush is just praying that a friggin asteroid doesn’t hit earth before 21st January. That would be the icing on the cake for his friggin legacy list.

UN and Their 23 million Dollar Mural

Cheer up, youre next after the renovations are finished

Bless, the United Nations used money intended for the poor on a ceiling painting. OK lets start with who would pay $23 million for a mural and then follow it up with who would use money from overseas development aid to fund it ? Hear is a hint, the U.N. Human Rights Council. Hmm, a lavish party was held in U.N.’s Geneva Headquarters to celebrate the unveiling of the sprawling 16,000sqft. They sipped champagne and proudly admired the ceiling artwork by Spanish painter Miquel Barcelo.Secretary General Ban Ki-moon thanked Barcelo for putting his ,”unique talents to work in the service of the world.” Service of the world? How much was he paid? I wonder what the starving children of Africa think? It is estimated that $633,000 came from Spain’s aid budget intended to help alleviate poverty in poor countries.But don’t fret it is mild in comparison to the $1 billion planned renovation of the UN’s headquarters which will commence as soon as the UN’s New York office’s facelift of $1.9 billion is finished.