Ricky Rooster Struts Again

An arthritic chook has got a new lease on life after he was fitted with a pair of specially designed shoes to relieve his pain and discomfort. Ricky the rooster was rescued by Vancouver park rangers in Stanley park and soon became a permanent fixture, living at the ranger’s facility. When they realised he had dodgy feet they organised the shoes.

A Background Check Would Have Been Handy

Did you hear something?

Hiring a sex offender for a Vancouver women’s shelter, what could possibly go wrong? The First United Church already had reports of 6 alleged sexual assaults before they hired Tajinder Singh “Ricky” Gill who was convicted of masturbating in public. Oh and just to ensure the women will have to sleep with one eye open, he’s been given the night shift.

Want sauce with that?

Another Friggin Foot Washes Up In Canada!

OK, one foot washing up on the beach in Canada was acceptable ,  a dozen is just damn disturbing.  Yep, another friggin foot in a sneaker has been found floating along the shore, this time in Vancouver. Over the past 4 years there have been about 12 running shoes found on beaches between the southern Georgia Strait and Washington state,  each with a human foot inside. Only two of the feet have ever been identified and they belonged to two missing men. Hmm, I don’t want to do your job people but maybe it’s time you considered a serial killer?

Please make it stop

Here’s when they found foot #7

And here’s when they found #8

 

It’s Only A Game

Hey, anyone happen to know the score between the Canucks and Bruins?  Ooh, OK, sensitive subject huh? Seems some  ice hockey fans were a little pissed that the Boston Bruins claimed victory in the Stanley Cup so they went on a little rampage through Vancouver. Yep, they set cars on fire, broke windows, hit, stabbed and punched each other and basically turned the area into a war zone . One distraught fan shouted at the vandals “Way to showcase our city, guys,”

Oooh, watch one poor fan get a gas grenade to the balls …

Moccasin Discrimination

Oh for goodness sakes how bad can moccasins be? A woman is taking her grievance about a Vancouver nightclub to the British Colombia Human Rights Tribunal after the courts dismissed her case. She is claiming the Roxy Club denied her entry because she was wearing moccasins.OK, yes, she was an Aboriginal but the owners claim it wasn’t discrimination, she was carrying a golf club. The woman is also claiming the doorman punched her in the jaw and called her a prostitute. Hmm, I can see why the courts wanted to handball this one!

Want sauce with that?

Sleep Tight In Canada

Oh for crying out loud Canada, thanks!Seems your bedbugs are carrying a potent drug-resistant staph bacteria . Sheez, always want to be just that little bit better than everyone else ah? Anywho, 5 of the little suckers were plucked off the bodies of people who had been hospitalized from a poverty stricken area of Vancouver and they were found to be infected with methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA) and vancomycin-resistant Enterococcus faecium (VRE). Here’s the scary part, experts aren’t sure who is infecting who, is it the people infecting the bugs or the bugs infecting the people? Either way the friggin bacteria is resistant to antibiotics. Might want to sleep with one eye open!

Airplane Escorted By CF-18 Hornet fighter jets

Whoa, those jets are real fast ah!

Settle down people no need for alarm, the Cathay Pacific airplane escorted by CF-18 Hornet fighter jets has landed safely in Vancouver and there isn’t a bomb on board. The Royal Canadian Mounted Police have completed a thorough check of the plane and they say they  found nothing.Hmm, how do they get them horses up the stairs and down those narrow aisles? The jets were scrambled after the Feds received info that there was a bomb on board.

Too Many Friggin Ryans

Blame it on Ryan

OK, I have just peeled my ass off the couch after watching Canada take out the gold at the 2010 Winter Olympic men’s ice hockey finals and all I can say is the reason for America’s loss….  too many friggin Ryans. I’m just saying. Ryan Miller, Ryan Suter, Ryan Whitney, Ryan Callahan, Ryan Kesler and Ryan Malone. And if that wasn’t bad enough lets not forget Bobby Ryan. People, what’s up with that, you gotta lose the Ryans. Hello, Canada only has one Ryan because they know the name means “little king” and that ain’t good when you want to be a “friggin legend”. I’m telling ya, no good can come from this. I think the USA should impose a Ryan ban until further notice.

USA vs Canada in Ice Hockey

OK people, we already know Hitler was pissed when Canada failed to beat the USA in the Winter Olympics Ice Hockey preliminaries but in a few hours they will be hoping to redeem themselves in the biggest clash since Jesse Owens bitch slapped the Fuhrer in Berlin. Good luck, Hitler won’t be amused if you lose nor will the 34 million Canadians. Geez, no pressure!

Growing Pains

RIP

Missing Growing Pains actor, Andrew Koenig, has been found dead in a Canadian park. For over a month his parents and fellow actors had been desperately trying to locate the actor who vanished after leaving his Los Angeles apartment and heading to visit friends in Vancouver. Yesterday his parents abruptly walked out on Larry King because they felt it was disrespectful to continually pushing back their interview because of the Seaworld tragedy. Later his parents organized a team to scour Stanley Park and it was there, in dense vegetation, they stumbled across his body. Evidently the actor had given away all his possessions prior to leaving for Canada. During a press conference following the discovery of the body his father said his son had taken his own life.  Koenig played Richard “Boner” Stabone on the hit sitcom Growing Pains. He was 41.