Tag Archives: Virginia

Kill Joy Fox Ruins Easter

Take note amateurs, if you are going to hide your candy filled plastic eggs around the yard at night for an Easter egg hunt, please notify your local sweet toothed fox. He obviously didn’t get the MEMO but sends many thanks to the Virginia family for the 30 tasty eggs.

PS Why am I singing Fox on with the runs?

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Filed under Friggin Wildlife

No Bull

cow5Attention good people of Virginia please be on the look out for 10 containers of bull semen. Evidently, they were stolen from a farm and if they thaw out they will be friggin useless.

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Filed under Well I Never

It’s Not Easy Being Green

Hybrid car owners to pay $100 feeVirginia Governor Bob McDonnell wants to slap all hybrid car owners with a $100 annual fee because those eco friendly car driving bastards are dodging the state gas tax. Take that, you tree hugging, carbon hating greenies. Cough up and smell the petrol fumes like the rest of us!

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Filed under Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never

Luckiest Person Ever

A woman in Virginia has every finger crossed hoping that the painting she bought at a flea market for 60 bucks is actually a Renoir. Seems experts are pretty convinced it’s  the French artist’s  “Paysage Bords de Seine,” and may fetch $100,000.

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Filed under Well I Never

Fighter Jet Crashes Into Apartment Complex

‘I’m sorry for destroying your house.’ was all  the pilot of a $64 million fighter jet that crashed into an Virginia apartment complex could manage to say as he lay, with his parachute still attached, and  covered in blood. Miraculously no one was killed.

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Filed under Whoops!

John Hinckley Jr Could Be Released Soon

Remember John Hinckley Jr the guy with the chubby face who shot US President Ronald Reagan and three others in 1981 and was found not guilty by reason of insanity? Well, it seems the US Government run mental hospital, where he currently resides, wants him released so he can live near his 85 year old mom in Virginia. Virginia you say? Well, that’s OK then!

Psst Wasn’t Hinckley a family friend of the Bushes?

2nd Psst  I bet Jodie Foster is absolutely thrilled!

Want sauce with that?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Thanks For Nothing, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never

Tragedy Diverted

That sucks

Bah friggin humbug. You know life sucks when 10 high school students get punished for handing out candy canes at school. Seems those 5cm little suckers can be used as weapons. Yes sirree, suck the end so it’s nice and sharp and then you can stab someone. The boys from Battlefield High School in Virginia were accused of trying to “maliciously maim students with the intent to injure,”. Sheez, in my days they simply bought a knife. Hmm, interestingly their disciplinary notices failed to mention “maiming” but instead claimed they littered and created a disturbance. Anywho, glad no one got seriously candy caned!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

Humiliation Is The Best Deterrent

Note to self, never attempt to steal from a Virginia costume store owner’s shop. When Andrew Perry caught the sticky fingered teen, rather than ring cops he handed out his own form of punishment. He made the 18 year old stand outside the store for two days dressed up as the Sesame Street character Bert  (from Bert and Ernie) and hold a sign saying he was  shoplifter.

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Filed under Friggin Hilarious, How Embarrassing, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Spooks Kidnapped Iranian Nuclear Scientist?

Sometimes real life is way cooler than the movies. Tehran just televised a video clip from a man claiming to be a Iranian nuclear scientist who said he was kidnapped by US agents and had just escaped. Capricorn friggin One!  The video which was dated June 14th and is believed to feature Shahram Amiri, a nuclear scientist who went missing in 2009 after arriving in Saudi Arabia for a pilgrimage. In the video he says “A few minutes ago I managed to escape from the hands of US intelligence agents in Virginia ….. If something happens and I do not return home alive, the US Government will be responsible,” He goes on to ask Iranian officials to raise pressure on the US Government to help get him the hell out of there. Interestingly ABC News reported in March that Amiri had defected and was working for the US Central Intelligence Agency. Oh dear, I wonder if Imadinnerjacket and his cronies threatened Amiri’s family in Iran?

Psst Hmm, amazing how the minute he escapes Amiri is making a video clip. I’d be still friggin running!!!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, I'm Just Saying !, Join the skeptic club!, Well I Never

Give Him What He Wants

Oh for goodness sakes correctional officers, Robert Gleason Jr, friggin told you to move his new cellmate or else! But did you listen? No! Gleason was going bonkers with Harvey Gray Watson Jr’s constant friggin singing , screaming and obnoxious behavior so he took it upon himself to bound, gag, beat and strangled him to death. It then took 15 hours for anyone to realize Mr Watson had been murdered because they forgot to do a head count at the high security prison in Virginia. Now Gleason is begging to be placed on death row, claiming he will continue to kill. In fact he recently sacked his lawyers for trying to save him from the death penalty in a previous murder he committed. So what are you waiting for?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never