Just Another Wal-Mart Offering

A multi-tasking, entrepreneurial employee of Wal-Mart has allegedly been operating a side business in the store bathroom. Yes, he’d been soliciting Wal-Mart customers for a little hanky panky in the toilets. In an act of pure genius he had been using Craigslist as his advertising platform for which to organise dates and times, then  he’d toddle off during his break to perform sex acts with them for money. On the days he wasn’t working at Wal-Mart  he would use the bathrooms at Crandall Public Library. Sheez, talk about a man in demand.

Want sauce with that?

Change For A Million ?

OK,  here’s the thing man from North Carolina, make sure when you are using a fake bill at Walmart, it isn’t a million dollar note because the US mint don’t print such a thing. Hmm, and besides, who has friggin change. Michael Anthony Fuller spent $476 worth of goods before handing over the Walmart cashier the phony $1 million bill, they in turn called the cops and he was promptly arrested.

Psst Note to future forgers, the US mint stop printing anything larger than$100 in 1969.

Life Sentence For Stealing Socks at WalMart

Separated from the rest of the flock!

Bummer, a shoplifter has been given a life sentence for stealing a packet of $4 socks. Problem it seemed was Dean Rockmore was also was carrying a gun and flashed it at a Walmart employee when confronted in a parking lot after fleeing the store with his footwear. Hmm,  so technically that’s “armed  robbery” right there  and as  Mr Rockmore was a friggin re-offender a life sentence is mandatory.

Miley Cyrus Jewelry is toxic

That's what you get for mocking

Sweet niblets, Miley trinkets are toxic (hmm, so is her music but I digress). Evidently Wal-Mart Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana jewelry contains high  levels of friggin cadmium, some crap that shrivels your kidneys and brain (and common in Made In China products). Wal-Mart are throwing the necklaces and bracelets off the shelves as we speak, while their PR department handles the media who claim Wal-Mart knew about the toxic concerns in February. Sometimes having exclusivity can be a bitch! Wal-Mart said that while the jewelry is not intended for children, “it is possible that a few younger consumers may seek it out in stores.” WTF, who else would wear cheap friggin “teen star” trinkets? Even more bizarre a representative from the jewelry industry said they weren’t necessarily concerned about the high levels in the jewelery but how much of the shit came off the item when sucked , bitten or swallowed!

The Pissers of WalMart

Christina Cifaldi

Say it ain’t so Christina Cifaldi, urinating on clothes at Walmart is kinda gross! Ms Cifaldi allegedly took $163 worth of clothes (sheez, that must have been there entire stock) and went into a fitting room and proceeded to pee on the lot. Unfortunately for Ms Cifaldi she left her friggin wallet, which contained her driver’s license, right next to the urine drenched mess. Sort of an epic fail really!

Racism at WalMart

Wal-Mart officials are still trying to find the person who used the pubic address system in their South Jersey store and announced “Attention Wal-Mart customers: All black people leave the store now.” Hmm, that’s a civil rights violation right there.

Grandpa Dearest

Go gramps!

Ralph Conone (68) is no ordinary grandfather, for kicks he liked nothing better than to go to Walmart, put his car keys between his fingers and whack kids in the back of the head when their parents aren’t watching. Mr Conone said he had been doing it since January because he liked the buzz he got from getting away with it. Unfortunately his fun came to a grinding halt after one little snowflake dobbed him in to his mom. She chased him into the car park and led him back to security for a please friggin explain. When police reviewed the surveillance video they discovered he hadn’t just assaulted one boy but two other kiddies who hadn’t come forward. He is now being held with a $150,000 bond. If he manages to post the bond he has been told to stay the hell away from Walmart.

K-Mart goes Wal-Mart

Assistance in aisle 5

You know it maybe tolerated in WalMart but you don’t go around K-Mart in speedos and panty hose making a kerfuffle, no sirree. Seven men reaped havoc at a the Panama City Beach department store, one was running around in speedos and sneakers, while another was wearing a pretty white dress with red panty hose and lipstick. Oh and we won’t mention the man carrying around a double ended dildo either.They were all eventually rounded up and sent on their way. This isn’t friggin WalMart!

Walmart Story Of The Week

Geez, and hear I was thinking  a Walmart free week! Not to worry, Kyle Sumrall has come to the rescue. Mr Sumrall really wanted a Hoover Vacuum but didn’t want to pay for it so he whacked a syringe into a pack of ground beef and then showed a Walmart employee to create a diversion. He then walked out with his $395 Hoover. Oh boy, it seems he had been using the syringe trick several times to nick stuff. Anywho, he is now facing … creating a hoax within a public building, injury to personal property and larceny charges…hmm, now he’s got something else that sucks!

Those People of Walmart

Not really news but friggin funny all the same. A man in Lilburn, Georgia walked into a Walmart , slaunted over to the sporting goods section, pick himself out a metal baseball bat, then toddled over to the electronics department where he smashed 29 flat screen TVs. Ta-da! Now if he only had fart spray his routine would have been complete!

Psst I guess they’ll be having a TV sale!