Tag Archives: water bottle

Semen in Water Bottle

halloweenYou might want to double check your water bottles, good  people of Perth. Seems there is a legal loophole that allows someone to put their semen in a bottle of water and sell it to you without fear of prosecution. A very unlucky woman purchased a bottle of water from a shop, placed it in her fridge but later, when she drank a few sips, was horrified by the nasty taste and smell. After taking it to the police and having it DNA tested it was revealed the water contained semen from the deli owner. Hmm, that would be hard to swallow. Anywho, the DPP determined that the incident could not be defined as an offence under the Criminal Code therefore no charges could be laid. She is currently attempting to sue the dirty, dirty man.

Psst Megagetoverit dug this one up.

Want source with that?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, Well I Never

That Would Explain The Floaties

Oh for goodness sakes, ejaculating in your co-worker’s water bottle because her “lips had touched it” and it was as close as you were going to ever going to get to her, is a pretty lame excuse Michael Lallana. Hmm, doing it twice is damn right evil. In the first incident the poor victim had no idea that Mr lallana had um, left his semen in her water bottle, which was sitting on her desk. After she took a swig, she felt sick and threw the bottle away. A few months later a similar thing happened so she sent the bottle away for testing and guess what, it came back positive for semen (and not from some fish!).God bless DNA testing. Mr Lallana will learn his fate on Friday.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, Sore Loser, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never

It Was A Friggin Water Bottle

OMG, a man who couldn’t swim has drowned after he jumped into Lake Michigan to retrieve his girlfriends water bottle. Yes that’s right, water bottle. Michael Hilling had been sitting along side his girlfriend when the bottle fell,  so he jumped in to save it despite not knowing how to swim.

UPDATE : According to Hilling’s mother, the information contained in the Chicago newspapers are false and misleading. He accidentally fell in the lake. It is also being reported that the girlfriend is being harassed on Facebook for not going in after him. More here.

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Filed under End Credit, Whoops!

Wanker In The Workplace

OMG, OMG, OMG, Michael Lallana has been charged with jerking off into a female colleague’s bottle of water TWICE and each time the poor soul drank it. Ewh, ewh, ewh. It is believed Mr Lallana snuck into the woman’s office and masturbated into her water bottle which was on the desk. She told police after drinking from the bottle she had felt sick and had thrown it away. The second time it happened she kept the bottle and had it tested. I suspect she went a little pale when told the water contained semen. After a DNA check of staff  Mr Lallana was arrested.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, Friggin Wrong, Well I Never