Tag Archives: Zimbabwe

Lion Kills Woman Having Sex

Lion kills women while she's having sexOne of the many hazards of having sex in the bush in Zimbabwe is the possibility of being mauled by a rogue lion. The woman, known as  Mai Desire, was with her boyfriend doing a little hanky panky when the beast pounced. Unfortunately Desire was mauled to death while her boyfriend fled, naked and with a condom still on. Needless to say motorists were reluctant to stop for him. Another unidentified man was found mauled to death while rangers were out looking for the lion.

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Filed under Friggin Wildlife, Well I Never

Zimbabwe is broke

Guess how much money Zimbabwe has left in the bank? Ok, you want a hint … Hmm, let see … How’s about $217 . Egads, that ain’t gonna go far.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

Mugabe Not Happy About Nandos Commercial

Zimbabwe dictator has banned the Nandos commercial…

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Filed under Friggin Hilarious

Female Rapists Captured in Zimbabwe

Oh for crying out loud, three women in Zimbabwe have been charged with raping 17 men after police found 33 condoms full of semen in their car. OK, I shall pause here while you try and picture it in your head. Done? Good! The women have been targeting male hitchhikers and either drugging them or persuading them with a gun. Evidently the sperm is used for ritual purposes. Uh huh. Something to do with scaring away bad luck. Police are hoping more victims will come forward.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, Well I Never

Male MP’s Told To Get Circumcised

Not a good time to be a Zimbabwe politician. Seems all the men in parliament and on councils have been asked to undergo circumcision as part of a campaign to prevent the spread of HIV. Oooh ouch. Someone has been telling them it will reduce the spread of  AIDS and they should lead by example and have their foreskin chopped off. Hmm, maybe they just shouldn’t have unprotected sex?

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Filed under I'm Just Saying !, That's Gotta Hurt

Equal Opportunity Gang

Oh my, seems Zimbabwe has a gang of women rapists terrorizing men. I know, it doesn’t seem right! But anywho it’s true, a gang of three women have been kidnapping, drugging and then raping men over the past year. The latest victim said he was offered a lift by these women and subsequently drugged. When he awoke, there he was stark naked with the women taking it in turns to rape him. He told police he passed out after the assault and was then dumped.Police haven’t a clue what the motive is behind the sex attacks but suspect it maybe for ritual purposes.

Psst Hmm, a loophole in Zimbabwean law means if the women are caught they won’t be charged with rape as it only applies to women victims.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never

Oh About The Plane Crash

OK. here’s the thing, if you are going to have a plane accident safety drill at Zimbabwe’s Harare International Airport you might want to friggin inform some people, hmm, like the Civil Aviation Authority. Imagine the chaos after the Civil Aviation Authority head, David Chawota, told press “I can confirm that a 767 plane coming from London has had an accident at Harare airport,” Awkward. The simulated plane crash included a large plume of smoke, ambulances, emergency helicopters and distressed relatives. However Chawota managed to worm his way out of the embarrassing blunder by later announcing that misleading the media was part of the exercise “We wanted to see how the media would react,” Hmm!!!!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass, How Embarrassing, Thanks For Nothing, Whoops!

Mom Sells Her Dead Kid’s Ear

OK lady, it’s bad enough you killed your 18 month old kid, but selling his left ear to some charlatan for 20 bucks, now that’s just not right. Christine Hofisi from Chipinge in Zimbabwe killed the tot so she could sell the ear to a traditional healer who is wanted for a bunch of friggin ritual murders in Mozambique. Seems the ear was a vital ingredient for a good fortune potion. Oh, hands up who can see the irony?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, Friggin Wrong, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Everybody Panic It’s A Kid!

Strange goat human born in ZimbabwePeople in Africa are freaking after a goat/ human thingy was born in Lower Gweru, Zimbabwe. The creature is believed to have had a huge human head and face but goat legs and a tail. The human goat died a few hours after birth. Villagers say it was so friggin scary not even the dogs would  go near it. Oh dear, the Governor and Resident Minister Jason Machaya is convinced the beast is the end result of a love affair between a man and a goat “”The head belongs to a man while the body is that of a goat. This is evident that an adult human being was responsible. Evil powers caused this person to lose self control.” Hmm, on the other hand a vet believes the creature may have been a child suffering from hydrocephalus aka water on the brain(that would be sad). Whatever it was the villagers were so spooked they burned the corpse fearing it was a really bad omen.

Psst I think it is just a badly disfigured kid!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Evolution Be Damned!, Well I Never

What a Calling!

Where did we go wrong?

Where did we go wrong?

One good reason not to join a cult. Since twin sisters Patience and Memory Ncube from Zimbabwe joined the cult, Davidic Kingdom of Heaven (a break away group of the Seventh-Day Adventist Church) they have left their hubbies and kids, quit their jobs, walk around half naked and tend to their homemade Garden of Eden. Yes, they have been building their own Garden of Eden in their backyard. Needless to say their parents are horrified and villagers don’t know where to look when they walk down the street wearing nothing but their undies. But anywho they don’t care “We are strictly following heavenly scriptures and have nothing to do with earthly things. We have no surnames because in the Bible everyone was called by his or her first name. This is a serious calling to the work of God. We live like Adam and Eve did. Any man who feels lust for us because of our semi-nakedness is evil.” Hmm, whatever gets you through the day!

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Filed under Evolution Be Damned!, I'm Just Saying !, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never